Week 6 Day 1 take 3???

I only ever made it through day 3 over the past 2 weeks, so being that this is on true repentance, I find it difficult to want to do better and yet not get to bed early enough to get up early enough. True repentance calls me to quit making excuses. So here I sit for lesson 1 of week 6.

Sleeping in has become a sort of idolatry. That and blogging, as I found that much more important to do until 1am rather than to go to bed. Granted I need it, but don't I need time with God? I start doing mindless things when I haven't been with God in His Word. The lesson says, "until we see this sin as God does, there is no hope for true repentance." Do I see sin as God sees sin? NO, I don't. I hate to admit that, but it is hard for me to see the seriousness of sin, especially my own. Rather, I take comfort when one of you falls prey to the same thing I do and I wish I were you when one of you is revelling in a moment you had with God rather than aspire to be that same kind of woman that God wants for me to be. For those I apologize. To both of you and to God. True repentance??? We will see.

Not too long ago I had a talk with my sister about desiring to pleas God over desiring to please our spouse, difficult as that may be. Well, I desire to please myself more than I desire to please God. With weight loss, I want to be thin and I want to look hotter to my husband and I want to be attractive to other people and my kids...all about me. How do we get beyond that to realizing that it's God's opinion on ALL things that matters? What I really want is to be thin because it is an outward manifestation of my inward heart change that shows I have control over indulging myself and it is that mindset which brings glory to God. How do we get there?

• God, I pray that in our mundane, we would not forget that you are still there with us and that you would give us minds that aren't so easily torn away from you. That you would show us that in all things, you are there for us to think about and be thankful toward and to glorify, and not only in the quietness of our day, if we get that far, but even in our busyness. We cannot continually go through our days doing our own thing, mindlessly neglecting you until in a quiet moment you get our attention. May our every thought contain you. May our every action reflect your presence and may we sacrifice daily our wants, our selfishness, our pride, our disobedience. Reveal ourselves...our true selves so that we cannot hide any longer behind false repentance, or any other mask we might use. Show us glimpses of you daily for encouragement and may we not fear for your return as I often do because I have been too caught up in non-eternal things and I am ashamed. Teach us to love you more. Teach us to teach our children the same. May these not just be words that wax eloquent but be the crying out of my heart to a loving and compassionate and forgiving God who desires to wake me up from the slumber of wickedness. Reveal yourself to us like never before and awake our souls to fulfill our reason for living and in turn glorify you, our LORD. Only YOU have the power to make this change in us and it for that that I pray...change my heart o God!

When God enables us, we can do so much more than when we are trying in vain to control things ourselves. My only problem is that I don't know how to surrender my will, my "trying" to Him. Hopefully this next week will be a more full and a more surrendered one to this lesson and to God Himself...even while on vacation. Ugh...

see you all soon!

Morning!

Good morning girls. I haven't done any of my study throughout the week because I have slept in and been busy getting ready to leave, etc. (the excuses could go on and on) but bottom line...I hadn't opened my Bible for almost 7 days. Yeah, not good. No excuse is good enough for that. Anyway, God woke me early enough to have some quiet time and to see the sun come up. I love seeing that...I think it is my favorite part of the day. Anyway, I finally got back into the study and completed day 4 of chapter 6. I thought it was pretty cool how the Desert of Sin was named and that the Israelites main problem was food and their ungrateful hearts for what they had. Verse 4 b read as if it were highlighted in neon green in my Bible..."in this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." Ouch! We always think our sin is just "our sin" and yet we see gluttony has been dealt with for years! Many years! So, I am going to try very hard to apply today's lesson in letting Him feed me physically by never eating without consulting Him first. I need to seek Him for what and how much. This is important to Him, if not, He wouldn't have given specific instructions to the Israelites.

Something to ponder: He gave them bread in the morning and meat at night. I wonder if this is why our diets should contain meat primarily at dinner. Hmmm? Should we be cooking extra on Saturdays?

I can't wait to do this study over again...I really want to dig in!!! There is so much here...wow.

Okay, now for an update on Granny. As of last night, she is no longer on solid foods. Hospice came in yesterday, and she is very weak. What that means, who knows? I'll let you guys know as soon as we hear something. All we have to do is throw are things in a suitcase and we will be off.

I love you guys. Make some time for Him today...I know it is busy with the wedding and all. Michelle, I've been praying that you only speak what God would have you speak. Sometimes God has to remind me that means nothing at all. We just grin and pray a lot. God WILL take care of her. Erin, who knows...Jackson may get his wish after all. :)

Sam'

Don't be shy...

Like Erin said, we are good to go for your girls. Goshen is only a couple hours or less from here, so I am sure we can make any arrangement happen for you. You know we will both bend over backwards to help you out so don't shy away from any request at all!!! There is no inconvenience, if that were to pop into your head at all.

I think I have hit a lull and need to get yanked out of it. I got up again this morning to do my study and just fell asleep too many times to keep focus, so I put it away and lay back down. It was because I was up until 12:30 doing Ruthie's veil. It looks great, but that was WAY too late for me. It is silent now, temporarily, but I have some of last night's dinner on the floor still (thanks Titus) and now today's lunch. I want a nap, but I also wanted to get my front and back closet shelves installed so I can put things away...oh the choices put before me...good, better and best. Ugh!

Keep us posted, Sam.

Hi, Sam. How's Granny doing now? Keep us posted and of course we (I'll speak for Michelle, too) will be here for you - whatever you need. I know when my Grandma Walker passed away a good friend of my mom's watched my three and Kayla (age7) in the kid's area at the church. This way they didn't have to sit in the memorial service but were able to join us for the luncheon after. That worked well.

Praying for your family during this time!

Love,
Erin

A Quick Note

Hey guys...just thought I'd post an update. We are still in Texas, but as of yesterday, Granny is talking to angels. Jan's brother walked in on the conversation. With that confirmation, so to speak, we are busy getting wash done, van cleaned, etc. in order to get packed up. That is what my day is looking like...busy with last minute things before packing. Anyway, I don't know how we can work it all out, but I'd love to see you guys while we are on that side of the Mason Dixon. I know Caleb will sit through the funeral, but I don't think the girls can yet. I'm just thinking out loud here, but I may need to call on my best buds to help us with childcare. I think the girls are the youngest of all the cousins, but we'll see. All of that to say, I may be calling you guys. I'm assuming the funeral will take place at Granny's church in Goshen, Indiana, and after the burial, I'm sure we will have the family lunch/dinner somewhere. (that seems to be custom with the Grabers)

Okay, laundry needs to be done. Love you guys...have a good day! I'm going to try to keep focus on my moderation. I know Satan would love for me to get so busy in preparation that I would forget all that needs to be applied spiritually. Also, as you pray today, please pray extra for Jan and Nelson...Nelson is still having some major anxiety attacks, etc. I'll fill you in on everything else later.

Sam'

Yesterday

Good evening. I've been waiting for a quite moment to write. I think it has arrived... we'll see!

Guess what? Fasting was really cool yesterday. By "coincidence" on my fasting day what should arrive in the mail but LifeLines, The Annual Report of Bethany Christian Services. This is the adoption agency that Chris and I have looked into. The whole adoption thing has been on our minds since last Christmas time, as you know. We were unable to attend the last couple of "Discovering Adoption" meetings Bethany has (they have them once every month/couple months) in Indianapolis, so the whole thing has been on the back burner. We want to attend, meet some live people and really get a feel for it before totally committing.

Anyway, I started reading the 20 page newsletter filled with pictures and stories of adoption during what would typically be lunch time. Boy did I feast on that newsletter. No, it isn't God's Word exactly, but stories of people living out God's call on their lives. I was a bawling baby and so thankful to God for people who are able to take care of orphans and so sure that God is calling us in this direction. So, I really went through the rest of my day of fasting on a 'high' because I have once again truly felt his Spirit calling me and my family to a special child somewhere. It is scary and worrisome and exciting.

Now, my darling dearest husband Christopher is the level-headed one of us, but when he read through the newsletter last night, even he was like, "When are we going to that meeting again?!?" I said, "The next one is August 16 [our 11th anniversary btw]." He said, "Not 'till then?" Of course, he thinks even more about the logical stuff like, how will we handle this financially and what if I don't love the kid because he's not "from me." At the same time, he is very open to pursuing this and I've seen some flickers of excitement and possibility in him. I'm shaking with excitement as I type this!!

If you want to actually read this article (one of several inspiring articles in the newsletter), right click and open in a new tab and the print will be big enough to read. At least read to the second paragraph where she quotes Isaiah - how awesome is God that I would be reading through this article on my fasting day. WOW!

So, please pray for the following:

1. That I have peace and patience until we are able to get to the meeting August 16.

2. That we actually get to go to the meeting August 16!

3. Pray that Chris and I will seek God in each and every decision we need to make.

4. Pray specifically that we will know clearly from where we are to adopt.

5. Pray that should this be the plan God has for us that financial answers will be made clear.

Much more, but that'll have to do for now!

And on a totally different note...

Michelle, hope you have a great and enjoyable time hosting your sister's shower tomorrow. It'll be great, I'm sure! Since you didn't call, I'll assume you've got it together!

Sam, Happy 4th Birthday to the girls! WOW! FOUR!

He gave me a quiet house and a wakeful mind...

Oddly enough it is 7:26 and I am done. I do my study on the computer. I use Biblegateway.com for any and all versions of the Bible and wordweb for a dictionary/thesaurus. I also found a praise song site that has the titles and lyrics of praise songs as I can never remember them on my own. Justworship.com. So I don't know if it was the fervent prayer, or the cookie, but I stayed awake and I feel pretty good...enough to start folding these 3 loads of clothes sitting next to me on the floor...

I learned, and will hopefully be reminded of during the day, that if I will just be faithful in my attempts to feast on God, to seek Him and to wait to hear what He has to say, He WILL fill me and feed me and satisfy me. I don't feel fed/satisfied by Him and that is because I am not faithful to Him. I want something that I am not willing to be still and look for. I want it to just be there when I want it, like a feast that I didn't help prepare, so-to-speak. The Little Red Hen story comes to mind. Silly analogy, but it's kinda how I feel now. So, that being said, I praise God for the still quiet morning that I am having (except for the sound of the garbage truck passing my house that I neglected to put the trash out for...) and I pray that He will give me remembrance of His word throughout the day, and energy to prepare my house for Ruthie's shower tomorrow afternoon. I pray that I am not like a chicken with my head cut off, scrambling around the house not knowing where to start.

Dear Sleeping Beauty...

I say that with jest. Michelle, it is always good to learn life lessons, but don't beat yourself up too hard. We all are having struggles with this study. I just now feel as if I'm starting to "get it." I think the next time we go through it, I will be ready...ready to TRULY do the study, and not just read it. As I said before, I wish I could say that I get up early every morning to be with the Lord, but I just simply wake up early...sometimes. Others, I sleep until Paul gets me up, or even better, until one of the little beauties say, "Mom, can you get me breakfast now?" Yeah, that makes me feel like I should get "Mommy of the Day." All of that to say, God knows where you are and what needs to be done. Just make sure that you don't fall into my trap...focusing more on what needs to be done and not enjoying any of your day. Your kids will remember if you played with them, not if the house was spotless. And remember, it is Satan who gets us busy and wants to keep us that way. So, if laundry piles up, so be it. We are ALWAYS going to have laundry, right Erin? :) Matter of fact, I'm looking at piles in my floor right now. There, doesn't that make you feel better?

As for Granny, well...she is getting weaker. One moment, Jan thinks it may be within 2 weeks, another moment, she thinks she could last a while like this. This is the little lady who made "6 months to live" stretch into over 6 years. Jan is having a really hard time right now. She is pulled between her mom and Nelson (who is having some severe depression and major anxiety attacks) and I hear some frustration and even resentment in her voice. Bottom line...she is being pulled in too many directions at once. So, we just have to take one day at a time. I'm actually going to take the van in this morning and have the tires balanced and rotated. I have been having dreams that I have a load of people who suddenly show up on my door and my house is a mess...so many things to do and no time. It went from being messy to now having food everywhere and many, many rodents running all over, and people are running around like crazy and screaming! Hmmm...wonder what that is telling me? Thank God the house is sandy, but no food out and no rodents. Okay, well...no rodents. This is what I get for making fun of laundry loads Erin! Anyway, when something does happen, you two will be the first to know.

Well, the birthday girls are up and we need to start our day. Lots to do today! I'll check back in later! Have a good day, all day!

S'

I'm up...now to stay awake

Ok, it is 6:26am and I am in my chair. I have a tall glass of water and ate a chocolate chip cookie to see if that will help. I pray now that this lesson will be a fruitful one for me.

The reason I get up, even when I want to sleep, is really not because of abiding by a rule. I truly believe that if I listen to the Holy Spirit when he's telling me that it's a better idea to get up than to listen to myself and sleep, that he will speak to me during the lesson...that by doing what's right I will have more of a chance to have a heart softening. That is my prayer.

Sam, how's granny???

How my friends know me...

Aaaah, my heart, my heart, my heart. How nice of you to ask. Good question. Hmmm. Can you see I'm stalling...? You know, I have been somewhat avoiding blogging because I read the epiphanies you have, Sam, and even the light bulbs that you have, Erin, and I would have to say that I feel like I could be so close to those moments, but they pass me by because I am not sitting still long enough, and I feel like I have good excuses...but they are just that. Justifications and rationalizations. Overall, I believe that the problem is that I am tired and unorganized. And selfish. I get up at 6 and fall asleep doing my study, so as of late (past couple of days) I have been sleeping in. I don't spend enough time with the kids, because I am trying to get caught up in the house, which I feel I will never get. I have so many projects to complete and that doesn't even begin to include the normal chores of the house, that I don't know where to begin, except that the kitchen always needs to be cleaned, so I usually start there. Then I get side-tracked somewhere in the middle of that job to go change the kids and get them ready for the day, break up some fights, cool some attitudes, clean up the upstairs and it's almost 11am. Lunch around 11:30, naps a hair after noon and then I have the older boys take quiet time for half an hour. They want to play with me the whole nap time, but i know that I have laundry to do or a host of other things, though I want them to feel like I want to be with them, I don'tknow. The kids get up around 3, Tim's home by 4:45, I start dinner and we eat by 6 and kids are in bed again by 8ish. I either go to bed right away so as not to be tired, or I get personal things done, and I feel that I deserve MY time, and yet I don't equate MY time with having or doing my quiet time. God has spoken to me on some small levels that I needed at the time, but I am asking for so much more right now. I want to get more meat out of what I read, and feel like when I pray to understand the lesson, no one is listening because I don't draw life changing information from the lessons...for some reason. THat and I forget what the lesson was about 10 minutes after I quit (which is half way through because the kids get up and need me). I haven't the energy to go go go anymore and I am far more likely to peter out than I used to be and when I peter out, I sit and relax (watch tv or work on the computer), all the while being mad at myself for sitting there watching tv and not getting something done. Now, here it is 11:30pm and I am still up because I wanted to blog, but since I have fallen asleep at least 8 times during this-so far- it has taken a lot longer than I wanted. All this whining...I HATE whining. I do not put up with it in kids and yet here I am. The short of it, I think, begins with I need to get organized. Really. That would help, I think. Of course, none of that answered the question of how my heart is. I feel like with the speed of my days and the lack of devotion to God, my heart isn't soft for him. Part because I am not committed to Him and part because I am frustrated that He hasn't revealed things to me which brings me right back to why would he reveal anything to me when I don't give him my time...? Argh!

Aren't you glad you asked, Erin??? I'm almost embarassed to hit "publish post" but I sat here through all this so I had better persevere, publilsh this and get to bed. I so badly want to sleep in tomorrow because Elijah and Levi went with Tim to pick up Tim's grandma, and they won't be back until tomorrow afternoon, so I am able to sleep longer I am so sorry, Jackson. rearranging the day off to get the boys to be here, and by a freak chance, they aren't. I even got Levi out of bed tonight so he could go...per Tim's request. After reading all this, you can tell I am in and out of sleep...the thoughts are so jumpy and more like from the mind of a crazy lady. That's what I feel like a lot. A crazy lady who's on her own, scrambling to make it through the day.

On a slightly less selfish side, I am glad to be going through your growth, ladies. It's almost discouraging because I can't join in with you and I want to, but I am glad for you that you are growing closer to God. I just don't want to feel so disjoined anymore and I know I am my own "disjoiner."

Fasting Today

Hi. Thanks for your faithfulness, Sam. It is so encouraging to see how God is working in your life. For the last couple weeks, my heart just has not been in this thing. I just haven't felt like dealing with it. So I have ignored it all until this week. I finished Week 5 Day 4 this morning and I really feel amazed by his love for me, for us. With the reality of my sin and the lack of affection I so often have for him, he wants and desires me. It is quite amazing and humbling. I have strayed for two weeks, but he has remained the same.

With that said, I have committed today to him. I did not fast the last two Thursdays (one I excused myself from due to my race, the other Thursday I just didn't for no other reason than I wanted to eat food more than I wanted to feast from him). So today I want to truly repent of my stubborn behavior and I want to truly eat from his Word and satisfy myself in him. Pray for my rebellion and pray that I will continue to seek him.

Sam, I prayed for you today and for your specific requests.
Michelle, I know by checking out your hot bod as of late that you have been "following the rules" that you have put in place for this study. How's your heart?

Love you two!
Later.
E

True repentance

Morning! I haven't even looked at today's lesson yet...I'm still kind of sick over yesterday's. What a slap in the face. I definitely have not experienced true repentance...hmmm, wonder why? See, even now, it is more of a joke to me than remorseful. I'm experiencing remorse, not repentance. Ouch! So my prayer this morning is for God to break my heart over this. Some days I do great, and I think God would be proud, and other days, I act as if I had no brain at all. Some days I hear that small still prompting and acknowledge it as so, and others I dismiss it as just "one of those voices calling out to me." Arggg! I need my head knowledge to meet with my heart knowledge! With that being said, I need prayer. Please pray that God speaks to me in ways that I understand, and that I will obey. Period! Everything else will fall under that umbrella.

I wish I could say that I woke at 4:43 this morning because I was longing to be in God's Word...that I was longing to be His obedient child, but I can't. Actually I woke with a horrible pain in my stomach...nothing but gas, but very uncomfortable gas, and as soon as I opened my eyes acknowledging my discomfort, I KNEW it was because I ate "something else" late last night. Be it that it was just a piece of bologna on bread...but I still ate it, and I fought myself one hour before I did it. Yeah, He spoke. Yeah, and I understand! Something I learned this week is that gluttony isn't just eating too much, but also eating at the wrong times, etc. Wow...I need to rework my clock! And now I need to open today's lesson. I am really enjoying this, but I feel like I am just NOW "getting" some of it. Michelle I am with you to do this over once we finish! Maybe by then I will be applying how to be a woman of moderation and not just studying about it.

Prayer request for you guys? Specifics?

Please pray for me this week:

1. that God speaks in ways that I understand & I obey
2. that I praise God over small victories
3. that I respond to the kids' discipline and not react
4. that I become a better steward of what God has given me/us.
5. that God hugs us as we prepare for Granny's passing.
6. that my family will give in and give it up to Him
7. that I give God my best and leave the results up to Him. (hard one!...I'm a little "control-freakish" you know. :)

I love you guys and hope to hear from you soon.

Sam'

And an update on Me!

Ahhh...what a nice weekend! We had a fabulous time! We had 3 other girls go with us, but my dear friend put me in a bedroom/bathroom all by myself! LAAAAAAA! The silence and not having to entertain was awesome! Laughed a lot, cried some, and pondered some heavy stuff...all great! Of course, within 30 mins of being home, I had to threaten with "Mr. Spoon" and of course the house could tell I'd been gone, which was kinda of comforting...I never think you can tell when I've worked my hiney off. I now know that there IS a difference between controlled chaos and crazy chaos! :) The kids had a great time with daddy...movies, theater, popcorn, pizza, the works!

As for the study... I loved last weeks...had to share it with the girls over the weekend. I did do Day 1 week 6 this morning in the midst of TV, the girls, and Niki's two little ones chasing each other under my feet. Will need to review tonight.

Paul's 93 year old Granny has gotten ill and is currently in the hospital. Last update as of today is that she may have a couple of weeks. Keep in mind that 6 years ago they told us that she had 6 months to live. Yeah, testy old fart! Anyway, Granny looks to be entering the last stages so please pray for Jan. She is calling me about 3 times a day having to make decisions, etc. She was to move Granny to a nursing home/health care today, but now Granny needs a blood transfusion and there are great risk with that. Losing her immediately is one of them. They think there may be some internal bleeding somewhere, but that has yet to be confirmed. Bottom line...a transfusion will not help with the 4 weeks or so. ???? So, please pray for all of us as we prepare for this. Paul thought he was ready to lose her, but has recently confessed this is hard for him. Granny has been ready and WILLING to go for years now, so it will be a definite celebration for her. It is just hard to see her go. Pray that we honor her and the Lord as we enter all of this. All of that being said, I may be calling you guys from Michigan before too long. :), I mean :(.

Love you and will be in touch soon.

Sam'

Update on Me

Did you have a nice girl's weekend with Niki, Sam? Hope you were able to refresh!

Just FYI, I appear to be the most behind in our study. I just finished Week 5 Day 2. I am sorry for my lack of motivation, but I will perservere!

Erin

4th time's a charm???

Well, here I am attempting to finish day 1 of week 6 for the 4th time now, and that isn't looking so good either. 6am and Elijah is up already. Turkey. He still doesn't grasp that whole "summer vacation and you need to sleep in" thing.

I am still rather tired, but I will try and get this done and still manage to learn something.

I'm so sorry!

It's me...the wayward child...


I haven't had the internet for a week or so, and come to find out, it was just a loose connection in the wall. I could have figured that out, but I assumed the worst.

My confession is that I have been so tired lately that I have been choosing not to get up in the mornings to do any study (for the past week or so) even when I feel the Holy Spirit prodding me. I know I need the sleep...He isn't prodding me to not get rest. He is prodding me to go to bed earlier. Hmmm, who would've thought?!? Summer time for us means later bedtime, but I was so used to them being in bed by 7:30 that I may want to keep that up just for our own sakes. I did get the Song of Solomon week done, but I totally didn't get out of it what you all did, and I know somewhat of why. I need to arise earlier than the kids, because while Elijah liked to sit in my lap to watch me do my study, and even sometimes pray with me, it distracted me and made me rush to get done, or not finish at all. I actually look forward to doing this whole study again when I am done. When I get up early and I am tired, I am actually falling asleep while I am praying and therefore, constantly starting over again and again...what do you all do, because I know that I am not the only one who stays up a bit late and is tired in the morning, and I am only getting up at 6am. I am truly wasted, unless I get to bed by 9:30 each night. That gives me not quite 2 hours with Tim, to catch up on bills, to blog, to email, and of course, to leave the house presentable for the next morning. (I write like I'm the only one who has to do these things...). What do you all do? Get up super early and shower to wake up??? I need to spend more than a half an hour in my lesson to even begin to get anything out of it, but I have to be able to stay awake. HELP!

Ok, I think the Wednesday night phone calls would be good. Being that I just tonight read about them, I don't think I will be able to make it last night!!! I also kinda want to redo the song of solomon week, but really want to stay on the same page as you all, so maybe I will do it later...I don't know.

Alright, I have 13 emails to catch up on, so I will get going. I hope you know that even though I am not consistent with this blog, I am dedicated to it and to you two!!! I am full of excuses and I am not afraid to use them...unfortunately. Argh!

Great week of study!

Good morning. Well, we didn't get a call in last night, but I am up and on my way to a great day. I finished the Song of Solomon study from last week. Boy, is it good! I've never looked at God's courtship of me in that manner. Makes me really aware of how much he loves me and how he sees me as truly beautiful. ...how much I hide from him, and how frantically he searches for me...not forcing me to come out and away with him, but encourages me to do so. ...how darkened I am with my sin, and yet how lovely he thinks I am. This one was truly an eye-opener for me. I started the morning with day 3 and finished up day 5. I will review all of them tonight.


I am fasting today, although quite honestly, I don't want to. But I am keeping that image of God searching for me "over the wall" as Solomon did for his maiden. God knows I don't want to, but I dedicated this day to him and so I know he will bless it. Believe me, I have enough to keep me busy.

I have a busy day cleaning the sand castle, and then I need to pack. Niki and I are going to Dallas for the weekend...just to have some time away. I'm packing my study, and every magazine that I haven't had time for. We are going to relax, eat and shop....all within moderation.


Swimming is coming along. I still don't want to breathe as I go across the pool, and sometimes I even get scared before beginning. But as I learned in today's lesson of the Song, I have to get out there and catch those foxes so they won't have a chance to ruin my vineyard. Keep on praying!

Love you both. Have a great day...all day.

Hey girls

I'm on last week too. I haven't got to Song of Solomon yet, Sam. So you are giving me something to, ahem, look forward too??

Yes, a conference call would be great. Let's do it! I didn't much with regard to food moderation last week because I was focused on the race. Now I need to refocus on being a woman of moderation!!

I have been hard at work painting my deck the last few days - in between caring for kids and in between rain. It is slow... another lesson in perserverence!!

Chats?

Hey guys...I realized that I do better with this whole bible study, especially the fasting, when we have our "girly chats" on Wednesday night. Is that a good time for a "conference call" with you guys? Every Wednesday? Awanas are now over and we should be home in time for a 9 o'clock call. The Wednesdays that Paul has basketball after church may be a little tough, but if the kids are still up, then they are still up. After all, it is summer! Let me know what you think. I just need constant accountability with this. And I seriously wonder why my children need constant instruction?....at least they don't know better (most of the time.) Aggg...when will I learn? :)

It is beautiful here...I enjoyed seeing the sun say good morning, before I say "good golly, it's hot!" We have been running in the high 90s. Thank God for sunscreen and swimming pools!

Love you!

S

Dear Erin

...by the way...GOOD FOR YOU! I was telling Paul of your success when I realized that you can run a mile faster than I can bike 1.5 miles. Hmmm...what does that tell me? I'm proud of you...my aching knees are proud of you and live vicariously through you! You go girl!

Confession Time!

Okay, I have to confess...I just started last week's lesson. I don't know what happened last week-I just got too busy and lost my focus. Don't need to wonder about it, that is just what happened...I flat out didn't do it! My weight this week concurs with that. And so I am plugging away yet again but on last week's lesson.

Okay, confession #2...I really didn't like how this lesson started off. I've always looked at Song of Solomon as a physical love between husband and wife....never saw it as imagery between me and the Lord. Actually, that vision kind of bothered me. Am I too naive or what? I felt as if imagining that was almost sac religious. (Is that how you spell it?) Anyway, it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Okay, confession #3...you can't be mad at God when you are on your knees the night before asking Him to wake you for your study, and He wakes you at 3:59! Yeah, anyway...early to rise lead me through a beautiful understanding of the lesson and wow! As you can tell by my confessions, I didn't/don't have that yearning for intimacy with the Lord. I pray now that I will acquire that longing. I've never read Song of Solomon like this before. I love vs 4...where she is longing for her king to whisk her away...as if saying..."you take the lead, and I will follow...I want to follow." God is wanting to take the lead with food for me. I just need to want to follow. I just need to be submissive to Him and let Him have his way with me...so to speak. (okay, now I am freaked out again. :) The want to follow is so different than the will to follow! Aggg! Let's try to get them on the same page!!! :) Love you girls and hope you have a great day...I am now going to see if I can squeeze 30 mins of zzzzz's in before everyone starts stirring!

Sam'