Hey. Finished the 10k in an hour. Felt good! My brother ran it in 45 minutes. He's fast - I'm steady! Now to find another goal to keep me motivated to exercise!
Love,
Erin
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Running Tomorrow
Hi girls. I am running my 10k tomorrow. It is the one I passed out on three years ago. No FEAR. Pray that I can beat this thing. Only thing I want to do is finish!!
Hope you two are well. I'm a little behind on the Bible study. Hope to get back on track this week.
Later,
Erin
Hope you two are well. I'm a little behind on the Bible study. Hope to get back on track this week.
Later,
Erin
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Mini Me's
Hey guys...glad you enjoyed the video, but I'm asking you to keep praying! I have realized that Giant has LOTS of Mini Me's lurking around. I had a hard day yesterday. Got back into the pool and it took me a while to work up the nerve to try it with just the kids in the pool. I did okay until I slipped while trying to stand up and freaked out a little bit. Thank goodness the kids didn't notice, but it really scared me, and so we got out. It later rained, so Paul is going to come home tonight and we will get back in then. I just need to keep throwing those stones! So, please keep the prayers up for me. I appreciate you guys! Love you and thanks for the encouragement!
Fasting today? It is 9:15 and my stomach is getting ready to rumble. Not good. :) This too is a giant I see....but he has a brownie for a head! :) Okay...got to go pick up a new student packet for Caleb for next year. Yes, this should have already been done, but what can I say?
Have a great day!!!
Jackson...Aunt Sam' and Caleb knows you are trying to learn to swim too! You can do this! Did you know that God created our body to swim...He did! I have to remind myself of that too. Just trust God and keep getting your face wet everyday! Then, one day, your mommy can send us video of you swimming! Won't that be fun?! We love you and miss you bunches! Caleb says hi!!!
Sam'
Fasting today? It is 9:15 and my stomach is getting ready to rumble. Not good. :) This too is a giant I see....but he has a brownie for a head! :) Okay...got to go pick up a new student packet for Caleb for next year. Yes, this should have already been done, but what can I say?
Have a great day!!!
Jackson...Aunt Sam' and Caleb knows you are trying to learn to swim too! You can do this! Did you know that God created our body to swim...He did! I have to remind myself of that too. Just trust God and keep getting your face wet everyday! Then, one day, your mommy can send us video of you swimming! Won't that be fun?! We love you and miss you bunches! Caleb says hi!!!
Sam'
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
SLAY THAT GIANT!
Woo hoo, Samantha Graber!!
Sure wish I'd checked this blog sooner - WOW!!
You look so comfortable. Sam, if you can do this, you can do anything!
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
I wish you were here and I could hug you!
I can't wait to show the video to Jackson (who is just working on getting his face wet in the water). I think it will be great motivation to see his buddy Caleb do it. Tell Caleb congratulations too. And think, now Caleb has a GREAT childhood memory. He got to learn to swim at the same time as his mommy. Now, how awesome is that? What a life lesson for the kids. You made it that instead of a fear lesson. I can't believe it! I mean I can - I just wasn't expecting to see that when I opened up the blog today.
HOORAY - you just made my day!!
Love you!
Erin
Sure wish I'd checked this blog sooner - WOW!!
You look so comfortable. Sam, if you can do this, you can do anything!
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
I wish you were here and I could hug you!
I can't wait to show the video to Jackson (who is just working on getting his face wet in the water). I think it will be great motivation to see his buddy Caleb do it. Tell Caleb congratulations too. And think, now Caleb has a GREAT childhood memory. He got to learn to swim at the same time as his mommy. Now, how awesome is that? What a life lesson for the kids. You made it that instead of a fear lesson. I can't believe it! I mean I can - I just wasn't expecting to see that when I opened up the blog today.
HOORAY - you just made my day!!
Love you!
Erin
Monday, May 26, 2008
Gotta See it to Believe it!
Memorial Day fun...wished you all where there. Thought you might enjoy seeing first hand.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
"The stone was just the right size..."
Sam, I am so proud of you!!! I know Erin will be too when she hears. She is off camping for the weekend. God is proud of you. Paul is proud of you, and you can be proud too! That is huge!!! Have Paul record you on your camera and post it on the blog! You have to go in and do some rearranging, but you can totally post video and we would LOVE to see you swim!
It has been a long day. One in which I would like to have some chocolate to eat, but we have yet to do some massive grocery shopping yet, so that is a negative. I went to go heat up a couple of tortillas to put butter on them as a snack, and I am on a half day today, so I heard my voice say "No, not two" and I, through gritted teeth said, "Fine!" and only had one. I guess that was good, though not with the right attitude for sure! Boy, and I want my kids to have good attitudes. How's that not hypocritical!
I am tired and I want to sit next to my husband on the couch and do nothing except watch some dumb Segal movie. Ugh!
Keep up the courage, the good ears and the trusting spirit! Though God could have, He didn't create the world in one day, so don't think you can tackle it in a day. You did great, now, go do it again!
love, me
It has been a long day. One in which I would like to have some chocolate to eat, but we have yet to do some massive grocery shopping yet, so that is a negative. I went to go heat up a couple of tortillas to put butter on them as a snack, and I am on a half day today, so I heard my voice say "No, not two" and I, through gritted teeth said, "Fine!" and only had one. I guess that was good, though not with the right attitude for sure! Boy, and I want my kids to have good attitudes. How's that not hypocritical!
I am tired and I want to sit next to my husband on the couch and do nothing except watch some dumb Segal movie. Ugh!
Keep up the courage, the good ears and the trusting spirit! Though God could have, He didn't create the world in one day, so don't think you can tackle it in a day. You did great, now, go do it again!
love, me
The Voice of Truth
"Daddy, watch me!"
Paul smiled proudly as he watched ME swim/float across the pool holding on to my little pool noodle. Now, I know, you may think that is something to laugh at, but for me, IT IS HUGE. I held the noodle out front in my hands, held my breath, and heard a voice say, "Do not fear." I pushed off and kicked myself across the pool. And yes, I honestly heard that voice... Every time I went to put my head under water, or to kick across, I heard that voice. Talking u890890899098989999900000hearing the op0o-0898 77 7 7444444400000000Holy Spirit. Michelle, this is just a conclusion follow up to the "little down" blog. I'm sitting here smiling, just as proud as if I had jumped off the diving board. Yes, I heard that "voice of Truth."
Just wanted to give you an update since you guys can't sit and watch we splish and splash as you can your children in swim lessons. Keep praying for me. Thanks friends! Have a great memorial holiday.
Sam'
Paul smiled proudly as he watched ME swim/float across the pool holding on to my little pool noodle. Now, I know, you may think that is something to laugh at, but for me, IT IS HUGE. I held the noodle out front in my hands, held my breath, and heard a voice say, "Do not fear." I pushed off and kicked myself across the pool. And yes, I honestly heard that voice... Every time I went to put my head under water, or to kick across, I heard that voice. Talking u890890899098989999900000hearing the op0o-0898 77 7 7444444400000000Holy Spirit. Michelle, this is just a conclusion follow up to the "little down" blog. I'm sitting here smiling, just as proud as if I had jumped off the diving board. Yes, I heard that "voice of Truth."
Just wanted to give you an update since you guys can't sit and watch we splish and splash as you can your children in swim lessons. Keep praying for me. Thanks friends! Have a great memorial holiday.
Sam'
Friday, May 23, 2008
Pulling my hair out!
Just how many times can you wipe up spilled juice off your mopped floor? I mean, really!? I am so sick up hearing that plastic cup hit the floor that I have threatened my children they will be eating without any drinks. 4 times within 3 hours. Bad mommy, but I'm tired. Today has been testy, and this is just the first day of our summer vacation. :)
Confirmation?
First of all, ...
Michelle, your blog surprised me. After I blogged the last time, I went and popped in our DVD of Facing the Giants. I thought I needed some encouragement in facing my personal giant, and I love that movie. Poor acting, but fabulous plot and great one-liners! Paul watched it with me and we discussed that song you dedicated to me. I told him I felt like this was my life's song. So many times I have voices calling out to me that aren't godly. Then, to see your blog...well, let's just say I felt God give me a hug then. What a confirmation for me. Thanks friend.
Caleb graduated last night, so our summer vacation officially started this morning. We played a lot this week and so now we are busy working so we can play more later. All 3 of them gave me a "AH" moment this morning. Although they were to be cleaning the toy room, I heard all of them talking. I peeped in to see them "dressed up" and "at church." Caleb, of course, was preaching...with his new Bible that was presented to him last night, and the girls were sitting their in their bean bag chairs, legs crossed, plastic high heeled shoes and their story bibles opened on their laps. I quietly went back to folding clothes in my bedroom and listened to Caleb tell the story of Daniel. They finished, prayed, and then I heard, "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop." Keaton comes in to tell me that she is just getting home from church. She lays her bible on my bed, opens it, and says, "Mom, do you know this is God's word?" "He's gots lots of words!" :) Then and there it hit me...I may tell them over and over again to clean their room, pick up their toys, etc., but at least they are remembering the words that mean the most...God's word and that God loves them. It blessed my heart. Now, we are still getting the rooms clean, but I couldn't interupt that church meeting. How blessed I am that I can stay home with them! Well, okay...now I just sent them to their beds for not obeying. :) Everything in moderation, right?
Love you guys!
Sam'
Michelle, your blog surprised me. After I blogged the last time, I went and popped in our DVD of Facing the Giants. I thought I needed some encouragement in facing my personal giant, and I love that movie. Poor acting, but fabulous plot and great one-liners! Paul watched it with me and we discussed that song you dedicated to me. I told him I felt like this was my life's song. So many times I have voices calling out to me that aren't godly. Then, to see your blog...well, let's just say I felt God give me a hug then. What a confirmation for me. Thanks friend.
Caleb graduated last night, so our summer vacation officially started this morning. We played a lot this week and so now we are busy working so we can play more later. All 3 of them gave me a "AH" moment this morning. Although they were to be cleaning the toy room, I heard all of them talking. I peeped in to see them "dressed up" and "at church." Caleb, of course, was preaching...with his new Bible that was presented to him last night, and the girls were sitting their in their bean bag chairs, legs crossed, plastic high heeled shoes and their story bibles opened on their laps. I quietly went back to folding clothes in my bedroom and listened to Caleb tell the story of Daniel. They finished, prayed, and then I heard, "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop." Keaton comes in to tell me that she is just getting home from church. She lays her bible on my bed, opens it, and says, "Mom, do you know this is God's word?" "He's gots lots of words!" :) Then and there it hit me...I may tell them over and over again to clean their room, pick up their toys, etc., but at least they are remembering the words that mean the most...God's word and that God loves them. It blessed my heart. Now, we are still getting the rooms clean, but I couldn't interupt that church meeting. How blessed I am that I can stay home with them! Well, okay...now I just sent them to their beds for not obeying. :) Everything in moderation, right?
Love you guys!
Sam'
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Listen...
Ok, I feel like Delilah or Casey Casem with a song dedication, but this one goes out to you Sam...we all know it.
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
*****Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!
"and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.
Sam, Your giant, too, will fall!
Any "Ahh" moments for me??? Well, my biggest was day before yesterday when my new computer keypad arrived in the mail. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be sitting here able to type normally again. I don't know about any moments with the kids (I feel like I go, go, go all day long and have yet to look at the bigger picture of the kids and seldom sit and enjoy them). I was holding Micah after she had her bottle this afternoon and she was sitting in my lap with her back against me, and she leaned over to one side and turned her upper body so that she could look at me and then she smiled. I appreciated that. It made me feel special to her. Granted, this is a 9 1/2 month old that doesn't have anything better to do, but you guys know what I mean...this beautiful child had to work to get a look at me, and she did and then she smiled. As I sit and type this, I realize the simple lesson I can take from that and it is simply that God cares about me. He knew how I really could have used that tenderness at that moment while my house is not so quietly sitting behind me and all the messes that I have to deal with, but I took time to sit and hold Micah and was blessed by that precious smile.
Is that turning a molehill into a mountain or what?
I also had another moment, but this one took some convincing or something. I sat down to watch the rest of a House Hunters that I recorded yesterday, and I couldn't concentrate on watching it because I kept thinking that for some reason I shouldn't be doing that right now. I was trying to figure out what the deal was, because after all, it was House Hunters...nothing wrong with that show. I kept watching it and I kept having that feeling that I should be doing something else, though what that was supposed to be, I didn't know. I started thinking that if this truly is the Holy Spirit speaking to me, #1 why was it so quite, and #2 I had better listen because probably the reason it was so faint was because usually I ignore that "feeling" and go on. I didn't want it to be quiet forever, so I listened, shut of the TV and then finished up my Bible study from this morning. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep. I couldn't win for losing there, but the good moment was that I heard something, figured out what it was and listened...not without trying to convince myself that it surely couldn't be the Holy Spirit, but I listened nonetheless.
Now, I should be trying to get some work done at the house here so that YESTERDAY'S breakfast can get cleaned up before Tim gets home today. I am so hungry now. God wants me to listen. To listen not only to His voice, but also to my body...I believe that my hunger has never been so loud before, so I haven't noticed actual hunger in a while. That's good. Stay strong and know that God cares about us and whether or not we are abusing ourselves with what we cram into our mouths...we should care too.
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
*****Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!
"and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.
Sam, Your giant, too, will fall!
Any "Ahh" moments for me??? Well, my biggest was day before yesterday when my new computer keypad arrived in the mail. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be sitting here able to type normally again. I don't know about any moments with the kids (I feel like I go, go, go all day long and have yet to look at the bigger picture of the kids and seldom sit and enjoy them). I was holding Micah after she had her bottle this afternoon and she was sitting in my lap with her back against me, and she leaned over to one side and turned her upper body so that she could look at me and then she smiled. I appreciated that. It made me feel special to her. Granted, this is a 9 1/2 month old that doesn't have anything better to do, but you guys know what I mean...this beautiful child had to work to get a look at me, and she did and then she smiled. As I sit and type this, I realize the simple lesson I can take from that and it is simply that God cares about me. He knew how I really could have used that tenderness at that moment while my house is not so quietly sitting behind me and all the messes that I have to deal with, but I took time to sit and hold Micah and was blessed by that precious smile.
Is that turning a molehill into a mountain or what?
I also had another moment, but this one took some convincing or something. I sat down to watch the rest of a House Hunters that I recorded yesterday, and I couldn't concentrate on watching it because I kept thinking that for some reason I shouldn't be doing that right now. I was trying to figure out what the deal was, because after all, it was House Hunters...nothing wrong with that show. I kept watching it and I kept having that feeling that I should be doing something else, though what that was supposed to be, I didn't know. I started thinking that if this truly is the Holy Spirit speaking to me, #1 why was it so quite, and #2 I had better listen because probably the reason it was so faint was because usually I ignore that "feeling" and go on. I didn't want it to be quiet forever, so I listened, shut of the TV and then finished up my Bible study from this morning. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep. I couldn't win for losing there, but the good moment was that I heard something, figured out what it was and listened...not without trying to convince myself that it surely couldn't be the Holy Spirit, but I listened nonetheless.
Now, I should be trying to get some work done at the house here so that YESTERDAY'S breakfast can get cleaned up before Tim gets home today. I am so hungry now. God wants me to listen. To listen not only to His voice, but also to my body...I believe that my hunger has never been so loud before, so I haven't noticed actual hunger in a while. That's good. Stay strong and know that God cares about us and whether or not we are abusing ourselves with what we cram into our mouths...we should care too.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Little Down
Hey guys. Yesterday in the pool was great. I actually even floated face down for a while and pushed off, etc. Today, it was a different story. Satan attacked again, and before I knew it, I was almost frozen in the water. I was so frustrated that I cried. The kids were thinking I pulled something, and I didn't tell them any different. What was I to say, "No, Bailey...your mommy is a big freak!" Those were just some of the choice vocabulary. So after just playing around with the kids, I took advantage of Paul and got out, took a shower and am now enjoying some quiet time by myself. I had kids (3 extra) today, and so quiet time is good. I'm going to get refocused and get back in the pool tomorrow. I can't let Satan get this foothold. Please PLEASE pray for me....I know it should be something that is natural, but it isn't and I can't explain why. I've tried to explain what I can to Paul and he just has a dumb-founded look on his face. He told me..."Sam', you won't have any problem actually swimming...you know all of that. We just have to get you over the fear of water." You think? :) So please, I'm begging everyone that I know, who I KNOW prays and doesn't just say that they will, to lift me up. This is one of my giants...he has to go down. Thanks guys...I'll be in touch tomorrow.
Sam'
Sam'
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Oh, and...
Sam - good for you. You have to start somewhere. Don't worry about fast or slow you are biking. Just try to go a little faster or a little farther each time you go out. I am sooo proud of you. And I can just see you splashing around with the kids. You are really conquering this thing! I know you can do it.
You asked!
Hello! Thanks for the visions of the kids in church - too much!!
Well, today was a "just me and the kids day". Chris worked and went straight to softball. Now you both know how those can either be really good or reaallly long days. I thank God that today was such a blessing and I was able to really enjoy being a mom to three truly dear children.
Some ahhh moments from the day.
This morning Abby was curled up in a blanket on the little Elmo chair and I was on the floor beside her, leaning against the wall and under the blanket too (seriously, when is it going to warm up here?!?). Abby was reading from her Fun Tales book, "Nat sips pop. Nat has a nap. Nat is bad." Then she looked up at me with those big baby blues and said proudly, "I'm really getting good at this!" I love lightbulb moments like that!!
I took all three kids to the grocery store and it was actually an enjoyable experience! I am on a juice day and I was able to stick to my list even though it was supper time. As we exited the store I complimented the kids on their behavior and help. Analytical Jackson said, "What percent did I get?" (I'll never live down the one day coming out of a store I told them their behavior was 100% - now it is always a discussion!) I said, "95%. You did really well except for when you got a little crazy with Makenna in the frozen aisle."
Always the competitor, Jackson asked, "What percent did Abby get?"
I said, "Abby did great. She got 100%."
Jackson looked totally dejected. I couldn't bear it, so I said, "Oh, but I did forget about the 5 bonus points you got for helping me find the pickles and baked beans. So that means you get 100%."
As I loaded the van, Abby and Jackson started doing the happy dance. They both got 100%!! Then Jackson said, "What percent did Makenna get? I think 91% because she was pretty bad!"
So, you tell me, am I spoiling my kids with the extra credit bonus points? How thankful am I that my children will go big grocery shopping with me in a relatively peaceful, non-whiny, respectful and non-gimme-this-or-that way. Today they did anyway. And I am thankful to be their mom. Maybe that is how God feels about us. When we have a good day of quality fellowship and obedience toward him I am sure he is well pleased and he knows how much better that behavior is for us, his children.
Love ya girls.
My cup runneth over ...
E
Well, today was a "just me and the kids day". Chris worked and went straight to softball. Now you both know how those can either be really good or reaallly long days. I thank God that today was such a blessing and I was able to really enjoy being a mom to three truly dear children.
Some ahhh moments from the day.
This morning Abby was curled up in a blanket on the little Elmo chair and I was on the floor beside her, leaning against the wall and under the blanket too (seriously, when is it going to warm up here?!?). Abby was reading from her Fun Tales book, "Nat sips pop. Nat has a nap. Nat is bad." Then she looked up at me with those big baby blues and said proudly, "I'm really getting good at this!" I love lightbulb moments like that!!
I took all three kids to the grocery store and it was actually an enjoyable experience! I am on a juice day and I was able to stick to my list even though it was supper time. As we exited the store I complimented the kids on their behavior and help. Analytical Jackson said, "What percent did I get?" (I'll never live down the one day coming out of a store I told them their behavior was 100% - now it is always a discussion!) I said, "95%. You did really well except for when you got a little crazy with Makenna in the frozen aisle."
Always the competitor, Jackson asked, "What percent did Abby get?"
I said, "Abby did great. She got 100%."
Jackson looked totally dejected. I couldn't bear it, so I said, "Oh, but I did forget about the 5 bonus points you got for helping me find the pickles and baked beans. So that means you get 100%."
As I loaded the van, Abby and Jackson started doing the happy dance. They both got 100%!! Then Jackson said, "What percent did Makenna get? I think 91% because she was pretty bad!"
So, you tell me, am I spoiling my kids with the extra credit bonus points? How thankful am I that my children will go big grocery shopping with me in a relatively peaceful, non-whiny, respectful and non-gimme-this-or-that way. Today they did anyway. And I am thankful to be their mom. Maybe that is how God feels about us. When we have a good day of quality fellowship and obedience toward him I am sure he is well pleased and he knows how much better that behavior is for us, his children.
Love ya girls.
My cup runneth over ...
E
Getting Started!
Hey again. I just got my hair cut and still had 25 mins until I had to get the girls so I went for a bike ride. A real bike ride...one where you are breathing heavy and not daddling around waiting for 3 kids on bikes! I rode for 1.5 miles against the wind and it took me 10 mins! Shouldn't it take a lot less than that, Erin? I was a little frustrated at the time, but hey, I did it. Now to do my 50 laps in the pool later today and maybe another bike ride with the kids later. Erin, did you smile at the end of your day yesterday? My "ahh" moment was when Caleb was asking me how to pronounce words as I was putting away a basket of laundry. I immediately felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit, put the basket down, and crawled up on his bed with him. The girls were napping so this was the perfect time for the two of us. He read to me and it was great! Ahhhh... and then he got to put his own clothes away, being the big boy he is.
Caleb has been swimming with just arm floaties for a while now. The girls have also been wearing a ring. Last night Paul and I took off the rings and let them just splash around in their floaties. They were so excited. Keaton was apprehensive at first, but then pushed me away and started screaming, "Mommy, I'm Sthwimming!!!" She was so excited she was shaking...literally! What a great feeling for the both of us.
As for me, I was the most comfortable that I have ever been in the pool last night. I am seeing baby steps and that is HUGE for me. We will be back in it today...not going to learn unless we are in it, right? Plus, it is another scorcher today. Love you guys. Do good and look for your "ah" moments...I want to hear about them.
Caleb has been swimming with just arm floaties for a while now. The girls have also been wearing a ring. Last night Paul and I took off the rings and let them just splash around in their floaties. They were so excited. Keaton was apprehensive at first, but then pushed me away and started screaming, "Mommy, I'm Sthwimming!!!" She was so excited she was shaking...literally! What a great feeling for the both of us.
As for me, I was the most comfortable that I have ever been in the pool last night. I am seeing baby steps and that is HUGE for me. We will be back in it today...not going to learn unless we are in it, right? Plus, it is another scorcher today. Love you guys. Do good and look for your "ah" moments...I want to hear about them.
God or Lord?
Good morning. Hope your day is off to a great start. Not much here...just wanted to encourage you guys to keep on going. I prayed specifically for you this morning. I know we are all learning things about ourselves that we don't particularly like, but that alone is inspiration to keep on going. It is obvious that God is revealing Himself as He reveals our depravity.
How are goals coming along? Michelle, did you get the bathroom painted? Erin? Well, eating wise, I did pretty good. I'm pleased with yesterday.I was even able to get out and exercise in the pool last night. (50 laps...running/walking of course, 10 in each direction then switch to go against the whirlpool) Okay, so it isn't a marathon of exercise, but it is a start. Half of my laundry is still here and so it will be tackled and finished today. I hope I don't find any lost children underneath any of it. :) I need to also get creative again...I have some individual paintings to do so I hope to get started on that today. Niki has the girls this morning, so that will give me some quiet time with hopes that I hear from God. I was just convicted this morning that I am like a little kid when it comes to my prayer life. I do try to commune with God throughout the day and try to me in a constant state of prayer...or at least state to pray. But when I am actually on my face before the Lord, I give Him my thanksgiving and request, and then jump up and run off to my list of to dos. Is that childlike, or what? I don't take time to listen to what God is telling me or may tell me. That is my confession. And sometimes I wonder why I can't hear God. hmmmm.... maybe it is because of my agenda and not His. Ouch! With that being said, let's pray together that we three make God the Lord of our lives. He is God, our Savoir, but is He really Lord? I need to allow Him to be Lord today...I need him to be MY Lord today.
Have a great day...all day!
Sam'
How are goals coming along? Michelle, did you get the bathroom painted? Erin? Well, eating wise, I did pretty good. I'm pleased with yesterday.I was even able to get out and exercise in the pool last night. (50 laps...running/walking of course, 10 in each direction then switch to go against the whirlpool) Okay, so it isn't a marathon of exercise, but it is a start. Half of my laundry is still here and so it will be tackled and finished today. I hope I don't find any lost children underneath any of it. :) I need to also get creative again...I have some individual paintings to do so I hope to get started on that today. Niki has the girls this morning, so that will give me some quiet time with hopes that I hear from God. I was just convicted this morning that I am like a little kid when it comes to my prayer life. I do try to commune with God throughout the day and try to me in a constant state of prayer...or at least state to pray. But when I am actually on my face before the Lord, I give Him my thanksgiving and request, and then jump up and run off to my list of to dos. Is that childlike, or what? I don't take time to listen to what God is telling me or may tell me. That is my confession. And sometimes I wonder why I can't hear God. hmmmm.... maybe it is because of my agenda and not His. Ouch! With that being said, let's pray together that we three make God the Lord of our lives. He is God, our Savoir, but is He really Lord? I need to allow Him to be Lord today...I need him to be MY Lord today.
Have a great day...all day!
Sam'
Monday, May 19, 2008
Priceless!
Good morning friends! Michelle, I hope you aren't upset...I was actually just trying to encourage you, and we all know we fight the comparison struggle. Anyway, I will awaken you with a funny...go figure.
Last night was our Children's Choir Concert and Awana awards. Let's just say if people within our large congregation didn't know the Grabers, they do now. Keaton and Bailey's class was up first, and since Keaton has this little yeast infection and feels the urge to go every 15 mins, I made sure she went twice before the program started. Their class was the smallest, our girls being 2 of the 6 kids. Of course, I dressed them alike, fixed their hair alike, and to be quite honest, they were pretty darn cute! Bailey is center stage and it becomes very obvious that she designated herself as the lead. Nothing shy about this one...standing tall and a little over animated, singing her heart out. Keaton bellowed out her notes as well, and with there being only 6 kids, 3 being boys, you could hear everyone's notes loud and clear. :) (Thank God they get their harmony from their daddy.) Well, as Bailey is nodding her head at her audience, Keaton gets an inch. Yeah, you know where I am going with this. PRAISE GOD I put a pair of shorts on them...nothing short of prompting from the Holy Spirit. Their dresses were adorable white cotton with pink and green flowers, so of course I had white, thin, spandex shorts underneath. Never noticed that these particular shorts were see-through until sitting in the middle of our congregation. Not only does Keaton scratch, she then realizes what she is doing and gets embarrassed and pulls the front hem of her dress up to her mouth. After gracious coaching from her instructor, she releases the hem, only to have the dress stay crumpled up and lifted...not falling back down below her shorts. I never thought of this while starching these 100% cotton dresses. Everyone is laughing so hard that you can no longer hear the beautiful little music! The prompting earlier forgot to tell me to change her underwear as well...her green panties...so now I am sure the Holy Spirit is getting a good chuckle himself as green panties are making their own debut through the shorts. Ummmm, yeah,...I can't color co-ordinate. They finished their songs, smiled pretty, and begin to exit the stage when the dress finally fell into place. Yeah, priceless!
Caleb sang later...has a bigger class, but was right there in front...in front of the microphone. He actually did quite well. Daddy had regained some dignity before Caleb started playing with the tail of his shirt...which doing infront of plaid shorts, looked like he was playing with himself. Camera captured it all, and even though we got great laughs out of it as well, we sat there being quite the proud parents. The night was truly priceless.
Hope you both have a great day. Today is beautiful and is to get close to 90! Got to get the casa cleaned so we can go swimming after we pick up Caleb from school. He graduates Thursday night. Oh, I feel a tear! :) Lots going on this week, and lots of crap going on with family. Pray for me in all of this...things have gotten uglier and attorneys are being notified. I don't want to go into it all because today is too beautiful to start out in a rut, so just pray for my family. I have to remind myself that if God calmed the seas, He can also calm this. Love you!
Sam'
Last night was our Children's Choir Concert and Awana awards. Let's just say if people within our large congregation didn't know the Grabers, they do now. Keaton and Bailey's class was up first, and since Keaton has this little yeast infection and feels the urge to go every 15 mins, I made sure she went twice before the program started. Their class was the smallest, our girls being 2 of the 6 kids. Of course, I dressed them alike, fixed their hair alike, and to be quite honest, they were pretty darn cute! Bailey is center stage and it becomes very obvious that she designated herself as the lead. Nothing shy about this one...standing tall and a little over animated, singing her heart out. Keaton bellowed out her notes as well, and with there being only 6 kids, 3 being boys, you could hear everyone's notes loud and clear. :) (Thank God they get their harmony from their daddy.) Well, as Bailey is nodding her head at her audience, Keaton gets an inch. Yeah, you know where I am going with this. PRAISE GOD I put a pair of shorts on them...nothing short of prompting from the Holy Spirit. Their dresses were adorable white cotton with pink and green flowers, so of course I had white, thin, spandex shorts underneath. Never noticed that these particular shorts were see-through until sitting in the middle of our congregation. Not only does Keaton scratch, she then realizes what she is doing and gets embarrassed and pulls the front hem of her dress up to her mouth. After gracious coaching from her instructor, she releases the hem, only to have the dress stay crumpled up and lifted...not falling back down below her shorts. I never thought of this while starching these 100% cotton dresses. Everyone is laughing so hard that you can no longer hear the beautiful little music! The prompting earlier forgot to tell me to change her underwear as well...her green panties...so now I am sure the Holy Spirit is getting a good chuckle himself as green panties are making their own debut through the shorts. Ummmm, yeah,...I can't color co-ordinate. They finished their songs, smiled pretty, and begin to exit the stage when the dress finally fell into place. Yeah, priceless!
Caleb sang later...has a bigger class, but was right there in front...in front of the microphone. He actually did quite well. Daddy had regained some dignity before Caleb started playing with the tail of his shirt...which doing infront of plaid shorts, looked like he was playing with himself. Camera captured it all, and even though we got great laughs out of it as well, we sat there being quite the proud parents. The night was truly priceless.
Hope you both have a great day. Today is beautiful and is to get close to 90! Got to get the casa cleaned so we can go swimming after we pick up Caleb from school. He graduates Thursday night. Oh, I feel a tear! :) Lots going on this week, and lots of crap going on with family. Pray for me in all of this...things have gotten uglier and attorneys are being notified. I don't want to go into it all because today is too beautiful to start out in a rut, so just pray for my family. I have to remind myself that if God calmed the seas, He can also calm this. Love you!
Sam'
I know, I know, I know
Ok, you can't go and start a blog out with "I wish I had some mature words of wisdom, but I don't" and then go on to write a dissertation on fairytale contentment, comparing and contrasting God's plan for us with Satan's plan to make all other things look better. Thanks. I know it was all true. You know we women...we sometimes tend to speak with our frustrated emotions first, as I clearly did, and so I do appreciate bringing me back to what I know is right, even though I don't feel it now. I know my satisfaction and my feeling of acceptance should be in and through Christ alone. You know, you want someone to enjoy their lives and people and family so much that you end up despising them because they won't, and then somewhat jealous when they enjoy other people and not you/your family. How odd is that?
Ok, I am going to have a good day today. I have a half day, and have already eaten my half a bowl of Kashi Crunch for breakfast. I intend to get my bathroom painted today. One simple goal...I hope I can do it!!! I am so tired of not being settled in here that I can spit, most days. I have Ruthie's personal shower to hold here in a few weeks and am not ready yet. Ugh! Ok, I gotta get. Any goals for today ladies?
Thanks again, Princess Samantha, wife of Prince Sleepy, mother to Grumpy, Scratchy and Whiny. Now, quit blogging and go write that book!!!
Ok, I am going to have a good day today. I have a half day, and have already eaten my half a bowl of Kashi Crunch for breakfast. I intend to get my bathroom painted today. One simple goal...I hope I can do it!!! I am so tired of not being settled in here that I can spit, most days. I have Ruthie's personal shower to hold here in a few weeks and am not ready yet. Ugh! Ok, I gotta get. Any goals for today ladies?
Thanks again, Princess Samantha, wife of Prince Sleepy, mother to Grumpy, Scratchy and Whiny. Now, quit blogging and go write that book!!!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Fairytales?
Michelle, ...how I wished I had some "mature" words of wisdom for you, but fact of the matter is, I don't. I wished I could say that we were all satisfied and content with what we have, who we are, but I can't do that either. Why is that? I sometimes have to wonder if that is just the way God made us, or if that is where Satan came in at. As a child we begin... "I want that!" whatever that may be. We always want better toys, different clothes, more stuff, straight hair, curly hair, or just "some" hair. We want her thighs, her butt, and can't forget her boobs. We want their family, their future, their story. And all the while, we look over and don't even see our own. We don't see our own cars, clothes or homes...our beautifully straight-as-a-board hair, or our tight, curly sassy hair, or even how beautiful it was before or after chemo. We don't see that our legs got us up this morning, and that our butts aren't in wheelchairs, and that our boobs aren't diseased. We overlook our own family "dysfunctional jamboree" gatherings just to look at ones posing as if they don't have any. We aren't satisfied with being able to create our own story, our own legacies for our families because we are so intrigued with reading about Sleeping Beauty's story. When I find myself in that fairytale, I have to remind myself that while Sleeping Beauty was sleeping, God was busy forming my own story...one just as beautiful in His eyes. While she was sleeping, I was/am living! I'm creating, experiencing, molding, shaping, loving! Do you think Sleeping Beauty ever experienced that! She can't have it as good as what she think she does because she has never seen the ugly side. How thankful can we really be for the sunshine, if it never rained? You know, I used to think it was sin and Satan that crept in that made us feel so discontented...but maybe it WAS God...sometimes He creates that need within us so HE can be the only one who fills it! I don't know why some people have certain things, certain families, certain experiences and others don't, but I do know that all of the "junk" in my life creates me to point to who I am in Christ...it is part of my story. Michelle, ...your inlaws are part of yours. Yeehaw...I know, calm down, but they too make you YOU. I'm thankful for that, and you know what...I bet one day you will be a mother-in-law that girls will die to have!!! I know down deep you are happy for Ruthie...Praise God she is marrying into a good family. Just remember...the grass always looks greener on the other side due to more "fertilizer." Yep, there is crap too!!! We just may not see it.
Okay, sorry...just got finished watching "Enchanted" with the kids. It is the only thing that I can watch with Dr. McDreamy in it that I don't fall into sin. :) Yeah, you know what I mean. Anyway, chin up my friends. Let Sleeping Beauty pretend her life away...I'm going to be busy living mine!!! :)
As for the study...I will be ready to begin week 4 tomorrow. Good stuff! Go hug your husbands, and your kids. Tell them all we said hello.
Love you!
Princess Samantha, Prince Sleepy, Grumpy, Scratchy & Whiney
Okay, sorry...just got finished watching "Enchanted" with the kids. It is the only thing that I can watch with Dr. McDreamy in it that I don't fall into sin. :) Yeah, you know what I mean. Anyway, chin up my friends. Let Sleeping Beauty pretend her life away...I'm going to be busy living mine!!! :)
As for the study...I will be ready to begin week 4 tomorrow. Good stuff! Go hug your husbands, and your kids. Tell them all we said hello.
Love you!
Princess Samantha, Prince Sleepy, Grumpy, Scratchy & Whiney
Be content with all you have
Well, here it is, Sunday, and feeling nothing special except that I wanted to blog a bit to stay up to date. The past couple of days, I haven't been able to get online for some reason...
I went to Fort Wayne where Ruthie's fiance is from for a shower that his family threw for them. I really like Dave's family but am jealous that she is going to have a great in-law family and that she may just jump right in and be a real sister/daughter to Dave's sisters and mom. As I was thinking all that today in church (why I was thinking that in church instead of meditating on the Word and what Pastor Jim was bringing to us, I don't know, but I was) I got the clear message, from the Holy Spirit I assume, and it was that I am to be content with the in-law family that I have. I know that, but seriously, I want a fun, family oriented in-law family that can communicate normally and that we really enjoy being around one another, and have fun together. How am I to be glad that I have the inlaws that I have and not wish I had other ones??? Clearly I am glad for them for because of Tim, but...oh forget it, her life is just going to be so easy, that's all. If she weren't so focused on herself all the time, it would be so much easier to be happy for her. And I am trying to be happy for her...really. I just really hope that he is the right guy for her and that in the end, I just end up learning something about myself as opposed to learning that my gut feelings were right...and maturing (for him and me) will help that.
Ok, well, so much for blogging about the study. I am juicing today, although it has been more like fasting with one meal so far. I gotta hit the liquids. Now, I am off to help Elijah build his lego thingy.
I went to Fort Wayne where Ruthie's fiance is from for a shower that his family threw for them. I really like Dave's family but am jealous that she is going to have a great in-law family and that she may just jump right in and be a real sister/daughter to Dave's sisters and mom. As I was thinking all that today in church (why I was thinking that in church instead of meditating on the Word and what Pastor Jim was bringing to us, I don't know, but I was) I got the clear message, from the Holy Spirit I assume, and it was that I am to be content with the in-law family that I have. I know that, but seriously, I want a fun, family oriented in-law family that can communicate normally and that we really enjoy being around one another, and have fun together. How am I to be glad that I have the inlaws that I have and not wish I had other ones??? Clearly I am glad for them for because of Tim, but...oh forget it, her life is just going to be so easy, that's all. If she weren't so focused on herself all the time, it would be so much easier to be happy for her. And I am trying to be happy for her...really. I just really hope that he is the right guy for her and that in the end, I just end up learning something about myself as opposed to learning that my gut feelings were right...and maturing (for him and me) will help that.
Ok, well, so much for blogging about the study. I am juicing today, although it has been more like fasting with one meal so far. I gotta hit the liquids. Now, I am off to help Elijah build his lego thingy.
Friday, May 16, 2008
TGIF!
Yeah, it's Friday!!! Daddy comes home tonight!!! I've missed the lovable, anal geek. :) Hope your days were good. I met with my internist again and I'm officially off my blood pressure medication. WOOWOO! Yeah for me. I have also lost 3 lbs. Another yeah,...I was praying that I wouldn't have gained. Are you guys keeping up with the weight loss chart in the back of the book? Mine is finally pointing down. Don't have much today just because I slept late and didn't do my study first thing this morning. Actually, yesterday's lesson was so good I'm still chewing on it, but will do my Friday's study today. Have a great weekend! Got to go get ready for Paul to come home. Talk to you soon.
Love,
Sam'
Love,
Sam'
TRUTH to quote to Satan
Romans 6:15-16
"So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master? You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval."
Or, "No, Satan, you are not my master! I will choose to obey God!"
Thanks for some excellent blogs, both of you. What an encouragement you are to me.
More later, I hope...
E
"So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master? You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval."
Or, "No, Satan, you are not my master! I will choose to obey God!"
Thanks for some excellent blogs, both of you. What an encouragement you are to me.
More later, I hope...
E
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Fullness of God
Good day, dear friends. Wow, today is a good lesson(week 3, day 4). I have some insights and some questions for the two of you. First of all...in regards to yesterday's lesson on how to combat Satan with Scripture, I need some help. I am made too aware of my need for memorization, because I couldn't throw anything back into his face. Please share your Scripture references with me. The rest of this from me today is going to be power points just because I don't have the time to go into full detail because Keaton has already informed me that "her belly is ready for lunch." Wow, out of the mouths of babes. Funny, they know when it is time to eat, and when they are full. Maybe I should take notes from her. :)
*I really didn't know what petition meant, so I looked it up. It means not only to seek, but to rush at and fall down in our pleading. (Can't remember too many times when I petitioned God that way.)
*I am wearing one of the girl's funky plastic rings so that every time I feel it, or see it, I can remind myself that the Lord Almighty wants intimate time with me TODAY! (Just a physical reminder for myself.)
* Slap me in the face!....I was so looking forward to the next time of eating when I did my last fast. I so missed the point. Instead of looking forward to that "cozy" feeling of eating next, I need to fix my coziness on spending that time with the Lord.
*Daniel truly mourned for his sins and the nations. I'm convicted because although I feel sorry a lot of times, I rarely mourn over it. Not good.
*On question 33, one of my answers was that we are to call out to God...don't know about the two of you, but sometimes I feel ashamed to call out to God. I sometimes feel like He knows my sin anyway, so why should I cry out to Him. Hmmm...maybe because I am too embarrassed of my CONTINUAL sin. ?
* Taste and see that the Lord is good. We have done this. I have done this, and not just with eating. God has been so faithful to us, to me, why do we still question that. The Lord has heard me, saved me, healed me, given me physical miracles to see...shouldn't that be enough?
*Psalm 103:5
-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
(another slap here...He doesn't just satisfy our desires, because our desires are sometimes evil, but he changes our hearts to be satisfied with His good things. I always thought it was our desires that changed...but it looks like it is our heart that changes to desire His good things, and therefore becomes satisfied.)
-I'm not sure what "so that your youth is renewed like eagles" means....??? I'm not certain this could mean that our physical youth was healthier (because we were less likely to sin in our body then) or that we could possibly regain some of that youth with healthier choices. I don't have any references on this...do either of you? Any notes?
Okay, I will leave you both with this prayer. Oh my goodness...sounds like it could be directly out of my mouth:
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. An d I pray that you, being rooted adn established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
--Ephesians 3:16-19
Be filled to the measure of all the fullness! Have a great day! Love you both. Now, Keaton's belly is "really, REALLY hungry." :)
Sam'
*I really didn't know what petition meant, so I looked it up. It means not only to seek, but to rush at and fall down in our pleading. (Can't remember too many times when I petitioned God that way.)
*I am wearing one of the girl's funky plastic rings so that every time I feel it, or see it, I can remind myself that the Lord Almighty wants intimate time with me TODAY! (Just a physical reminder for myself.)
* Slap me in the face!....I was so looking forward to the next time of eating when I did my last fast. I so missed the point. Instead of looking forward to that "cozy" feeling of eating next, I need to fix my coziness on spending that time with the Lord.
*Daniel truly mourned for his sins and the nations. I'm convicted because although I feel sorry a lot of times, I rarely mourn over it. Not good.
*On question 33, one of my answers was that we are to call out to God...don't know about the two of you, but sometimes I feel ashamed to call out to God. I sometimes feel like He knows my sin anyway, so why should I cry out to Him. Hmmm...maybe because I am too embarrassed of my CONTINUAL sin. ?
* Taste and see that the Lord is good. We have done this. I have done this, and not just with eating. God has been so faithful to us, to me, why do we still question that. The Lord has heard me, saved me, healed me, given me physical miracles to see...shouldn't that be enough?
*Psalm 103:5
-who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
(another slap here...He doesn't just satisfy our desires, because our desires are sometimes evil, but he changes our hearts to be satisfied with His good things. I always thought it was our desires that changed...but it looks like it is our heart that changes to desire His good things, and therefore becomes satisfied.)
-I'm not sure what "so that your youth is renewed like eagles" means....??? I'm not certain this could mean that our physical youth was healthier (because we were less likely to sin in our body then) or that we could possibly regain some of that youth with healthier choices. I don't have any references on this...do either of you? Any notes?
Okay, I will leave you both with this prayer. Oh my goodness...sounds like it could be directly out of my mouth:
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. An d I pray that you, being rooted adn established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
--Ephesians 3:16-19
Be filled to the measure of all the fullness! Have a great day! Love you both. Now, Keaton's belly is "really, REALLY hungry." :)
Sam'
I say NO to everyone...
Sam I don't know if I have time to respond to that blog this morning...
Oh how true it was. Now, I haven't had the dressing room experience, but all three of us know that right now, we are beautiful to our children. Right now, I say, because they don't know how we are treating ourselves. They don't know the inner struggles and how we refuse the Holy Spirit.
I was talking to Erin the other day, relaying a similar experience to her, though I didn't know it at the time (how is it that is is so comforting to know that your friends are sinning the same ways that we are...it should be shameful, right???). Well, I am starting to see the shame. Erin already does. In a nut shell, this is what we talked about:
Not sure of all the detail, but the other day I had to make 2 dozen cookies for Elijah's fun fair at school. I bought 3 dozen to accomplish that. mistake number one. After making his cookies, I opened the other package and made one for myself, and then ate 2 or 3 of the dough squares. Now, over the course of the next 3 days, I ate all but 1 of them. The problem that was just unveiled to me was that with one of the bites I was going to take, I felt the urge, the conviction, the Holy Spirit himself telling me not to eat it in so many ways. Do you know what I did? I ignored that "small still voice." It wasn't until later that I realized what I had, in essence done. I basically told the Holy Spirit to shut up! I also realized that I must have been doing that for years and not calling it what it was. At first, I didn't think too much of it, and even told Erin that I didn't think that I was at the point of being sorry. In actuality, I am sad about it all. No, I haven't been up at nights unable to sleep because of the guilt or the shame, but eternity has been in my head CONSTANTLY. Maybe not because of the fact that I have been ignoring the Holy Spirit's convictions, but eternity has still made it's way to my thoughts, and to be honest, I don't much like thinking about it. It makes my scalp tingle, my skin go cold and my stomache to feel fear. The concept of not living in the confines of time...uncomprehendible...at any rate, off topic here. Isn't this one thing Paul warned of doing, "quench not the spirit"? No wonder my spiritual life hasn't been that thrilling, full of ah-has and lightbulb moments of tender or even firm shaping by our Father in heaven. I have been ignoring His Spirit for so long now, and I never even realized it. I am hopeful that this will bring a new light to why I do what I do and help me to see what is really happening. Then perhaps I can face the real battles in life with new realization.
As for you and swimming, Sam, kick Satan in the nards, so-to-speak. I mean, seriously, we all have our Satan strong-holds. You realize at least one of yours, and you are attempting to kick it. Satan isn't that strong, and for that matter, neither is that water. You can remember your kids through it all, if you want, but it is basically something that brings you to say yes to God and not the resounding NO that I have clearly been shouting for some time now. I pray that you will over come this THROUGH and FOR Christ!!!!! You and your family will be a wonderful sidebar of enjoyment with that victory!
Erin, thanks for guiding me through my thinking the other day. I don't know if I would have fully realized my folly if it weren't for talking about it like that. Your honesty was revealing for me as well, and though we are both stuck in a shameful sin, we are seeing the light of Christ and making our way towards Him. Thank you, my friend.
Ok, this has been LONG overdue, but if I remain on this for too long, Elijah will be late for school.
Oh, and Erin. what do you think of going over week 3 again??? I think it would be good for me too! Of course, I only say that because I just started week four day one this morning...ugh.
I love you girls!!!
Oh how true it was. Now, I haven't had the dressing room experience, but all three of us know that right now, we are beautiful to our children. Right now, I say, because they don't know how we are treating ourselves. They don't know the inner struggles and how we refuse the Holy Spirit.
I was talking to Erin the other day, relaying a similar experience to her, though I didn't know it at the time (how is it that is is so comforting to know that your friends are sinning the same ways that we are...it should be shameful, right???). Well, I am starting to see the shame. Erin already does. In a nut shell, this is what we talked about:
Not sure of all the detail, but the other day I had to make 2 dozen cookies for Elijah's fun fair at school. I bought 3 dozen to accomplish that. mistake number one. After making his cookies, I opened the other package and made one for myself, and then ate 2 or 3 of the dough squares. Now, over the course of the next 3 days, I ate all but 1 of them. The problem that was just unveiled to me was that with one of the bites I was going to take, I felt the urge, the conviction, the Holy Spirit himself telling me not to eat it in so many ways. Do you know what I did? I ignored that "small still voice." It wasn't until later that I realized what I had, in essence done. I basically told the Holy Spirit to shut up! I also realized that I must have been doing that for years and not calling it what it was. At first, I didn't think too much of it, and even told Erin that I didn't think that I was at the point of being sorry. In actuality, I am sad about it all. No, I haven't been up at nights unable to sleep because of the guilt or the shame, but eternity has been in my head CONSTANTLY. Maybe not because of the fact that I have been ignoring the Holy Spirit's convictions, but eternity has still made it's way to my thoughts, and to be honest, I don't much like thinking about it. It makes my scalp tingle, my skin go cold and my stomache to feel fear. The concept of not living in the confines of time...uncomprehendible...at any rate, off topic here. Isn't this one thing Paul warned of doing, "quench not the spirit"? No wonder my spiritual life hasn't been that thrilling, full of ah-has and lightbulb moments of tender or even firm shaping by our Father in heaven. I have been ignoring His Spirit for so long now, and I never even realized it. I am hopeful that this will bring a new light to why I do what I do and help me to see what is really happening. Then perhaps I can face the real battles in life with new realization.
As for you and swimming, Sam, kick Satan in the nards, so-to-speak. I mean, seriously, we all have our Satan strong-holds. You realize at least one of yours, and you are attempting to kick it. Satan isn't that strong, and for that matter, neither is that water. You can remember your kids through it all, if you want, but it is basically something that brings you to say yes to God and not the resounding NO that I have clearly been shouting for some time now. I pray that you will over come this THROUGH and FOR Christ!!!!! You and your family will be a wonderful sidebar of enjoyment with that victory!
Erin, thanks for guiding me through my thinking the other day. I don't know if I would have fully realized my folly if it weren't for talking about it like that. Your honesty was revealing for me as well, and though we are both stuck in a shameful sin, we are seeing the light of Christ and making our way towards Him. Thank you, my friend.
Ok, this has been LONG overdue, but if I remain on this for too long, Elijah will be late for school.
Oh, and Erin. what do you think of going over week 3 again??? I think it would be good for me too! Of course, I only say that because I just started week four day one this morning...ugh.
Godly fasting to you both. May we all truly have our sin revealed to us today!!!!!!!!!
I love you girls!!!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dear Sam' 2
Oh Sam'! Those children! What would you do without them? There they were poached like little birds waiting for me to come out of the dressing room. I was trying on some dresses (trying to use my free $10 coupon and get a mother's day gift out of the deal.) and they were such encouragers. Between the "Mommy, I like that one!" and "Mommy, get that one!s" I heard what they were really saying..."Mommy, please take care of yourself. Mommy, we like it when you wear makeup, because we know you feel better about yourself when you do." I ended up deciding on a pair of needed capris instead of a dress, and left with 3 disappointed kids. It was then that it really hit me...I don't dress up any more...I don't look towards something with expectation...I don't take care of myself. Looking back, oh how I wished my mom would have taken care of herself. I don't want to have my kids say that about me. I came home and skimmed my closet for my outfit for church the next day. Old skirts...to my ankles...skirts that I like and have had from the last time they were in style (no lie)...but I have to say, "a little Amish." I found one dress...my little new, sassy one that I bought a month ago for our Tennessee trip. I took myself and my three children to church on Mother's Day, wearing a strappy dress that hits right above my knees. I put on my best makeup and did up my hair, and marched my uncomfortable self right into that church being blessed that my children were proud of me. Uncomfortable because it wasn't like me...not the outside me...not the "can't show my tree trunks with varicose veins, or show my fat arms." No, I showed the inside me...the one who desperately wants to come out...the one who wants to experience life and not live in existence to fear. Mother's Day had a new look for me...and it was a good look...the one I saw in little eyes.
You have a lot to offer Sam'. Quit beating yourself up. Face it, and get on with it. So what if people see the veins and the arms? What do you care what they think? Screw it and live life (nice and Godly, of course). Don't make your children feel the guilt and sadness you feel for your mom...they deserve better than that, and so do you.
Love You. Love me.
You have a lot to offer Sam'. Quit beating yourself up. Face it, and get on with it. So what if people see the veins and the arms? What do you care what they think? Screw it and live life (nice and Godly, of course). Don't make your children feel the guilt and sadness you feel for your mom...they deserve better than that, and so do you.
Love You. Love me.
Week 3-AGAIN!!!
Yeah, not only did I not finish week 3, but I need to really focus on this chapter. So, before I am able to move on, I am going to do week 3 again this week. I don't know why, but this fasting thing is being laid upon my heart as ultra important, so I need to really study this week. It seems like I start with a bang, and am too pooped to pop by Friday. Can I get an AMEN? The study gets to Wednesday, and then I don't do it. Now, why is that? Is God not as important on Wednesday-Fridays? Anyway, I'm sorry I have to lag a week behind, but I really can't go on with this until I get this understanding under my belt.
I've had a few eye-openers this weekend...some that broke my heart with my kids. That is a Dear Sam journal entry to come. I've also come to realize that I do know how to swim. I just have problems facing that fear issue once again. Paul has been great, but I think he is a little concerned now...he sees my fear, sees me try, sees me panic, and then sees me break down into tears and panic attacks. I don't know why I am so scared. We finally got the major fear to come "to the surface."...I'm afraid I'm going to go down head first...I mean, feet directly in the air, head first. Why...I DON'T KNOW. If I did, don't you think I would have spoken to one of my quacky friends by now? I want to master this fear...it has taken a lot of life from me...and I don't want to be it's friend anymore. I am a child of the Living God, for Pete's sake, what do I have to fear? I am an educated, spiritual woman who wants to glorify God in this, and have it be a testimony to my children. Fear is NOT A FRUIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT! Pray for me in this...I need to study some fear scriptures so I can throw them back into Satan's face when I enter that pool.
Okay, need to go for now...Paul leaves for San Antonio in the morning and I need to spend some time with him. I'll check back in later. Love you guys.
Sam'
I've had a few eye-openers this weekend...some that broke my heart with my kids. That is a Dear Sam journal entry to come. I've also come to realize that I do know how to swim. I just have problems facing that fear issue once again. Paul has been great, but I think he is a little concerned now...he sees my fear, sees me try, sees me panic, and then sees me break down into tears and panic attacks. I don't know why I am so scared. We finally got the major fear to come "to the surface."...I'm afraid I'm going to go down head first...I mean, feet directly in the air, head first. Why...I DON'T KNOW. If I did, don't you think I would have spoken to one of my quacky friends by now? I want to master this fear...it has taken a lot of life from me...and I don't want to be it's friend anymore. I am a child of the Living God, for Pete's sake, what do I have to fear? I am an educated, spiritual woman who wants to glorify God in this, and have it be a testimony to my children. Fear is NOT A FRUIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT! Pray for me in this...I need to study some fear scriptures so I can throw them back into Satan's face when I enter that pool.
Okay, need to go for now...Paul leaves for San Antonio in the morning and I need to spend some time with him. I'll check back in later. Love you guys.
Sam'
I'm alive!
I'm baaaack! I will add to this tonight. I am supposed to be going to get the kids from Erin now...I am so glad to be getting back online!!!!
What Fasting Reveals
Good morning, girls. Hope you both had a nice Mother's Day. Thanks for the well wishes and card, Sam! Although, I am starting to get a complex about my laundry - I had to go throw a load in after I read your card. :)
Unfortunately, I have been rebellious since completing last Thursday's fast. I haven't wanted to confront my food issues and I have been ignoring pretty much every cue that we have been working on. I am disappointed in myself. I did Week 3 Day 3 this morning, so I am also behind in our study. If you two are on schedule, I will try to catch up this week to get through week 4. I am really sorry.
What I found interesting was that the study I did today focused on what fasting can reveal. Uh, hello - just look at my last post. It really can reveal some yucky stuff!! I wasn't really prepared for that. It has revealed my impatience with my children and my selfishness. I don't like it one bit. However, just as anything in life, it is important to get those issues out of the darkness, so if fasting is what it takes, I need to focus more on asking God to reveal what he wants to reveal on those days.
So, I thank God for his forgiveness. He is mighty. I begin today again asking God to help me. I want to eat intentionally. I want to think - and either thank God before I put something in my mouth or renounce Satan with scripture and choose not to put something in my mouth during times I know I am trying to rationalize.
Looking for an update from you two...
Erin
Unfortunately, I have been rebellious since completing last Thursday's fast. I haven't wanted to confront my food issues and I have been ignoring pretty much every cue that we have been working on. I am disappointed in myself. I did Week 3 Day 3 this morning, so I am also behind in our study. If you two are on schedule, I will try to catch up this week to get through week 4. I am really sorry.
What I found interesting was that the study I did today focused on what fasting can reveal. Uh, hello - just look at my last post. It really can reveal some yucky stuff!! I wasn't really prepared for that. It has revealed my impatience with my children and my selfishness. I don't like it one bit. However, just as anything in life, it is important to get those issues out of the darkness, so if fasting is what it takes, I need to focus more on asking God to reveal what he wants to reveal on those days.
So, I thank God for his forgiveness. He is mighty. I begin today again asking God to help me. I want to eat intentionally. I want to think - and either thank God before I put something in my mouth or renounce Satan with scripture and choose not to put something in my mouth during times I know I am trying to rationalize.
Looking for an update from you two...
Erin
Thursday, May 8, 2008
How are you doing? Are you as crabby as me?
I have a headache from hunger and I am soooo crabby. My poor kids. Ugh. I haven't eaten, but I don't feel completely successful because I feel weak and in my weakness I am a ...
Which means I am not leaning on the Lord or running to him as I should. I'm going to do that right now and see where I end up.
Which means I am not leaning on the Lord or running to him as I should. I'm going to do that right now and see where I end up.
Finally caught up
I laughed, I cried...at the same time. This will be fast because I am at my mom's house to get a few things done and need to leave to run around, but I thought I would write a few lines. I thought I would be online by now, but am settling for sending a text now and again.
I pray you all do well today remembering that God is so much more desireable than anything and that we are to run to Him when we are weak. That is so hard to do let alone to remember. I struggle there so much.
I am thinking about you all a lot. I hope to get online at home so that I don't feel so rushed like I do now. Ugh!
me
I pray you all do well today remembering that God is so much more desireable than anything and that we are to run to Him when we are weak. That is so hard to do let alone to remember. I struggle there so much.
I am thinking about you all a lot. I hope to get online at home so that I don't feel so rushed like I do now. Ugh!
me
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Day 2-Fasting Again
Hi Erin, and hopefully Michelle. If not, hope you can get on soon Michelle. Okay, so here it is day 2, well actually it isn't yet, but will be in 15 mins. I am having problems falling asleep again and so I decided instead of filling my head with junk, I'd do my bible study for tomorrow. Is that cheating? Anyway...
Erin, I have questions regarding today's lesson. I don't get questions 14 & 15...can you help? Maybe I will have insight tomorrow, but today's lessons seemed to be a bit redundant. Am I not getting it?
I plan on fasting again tomorrow...in 11 mins. :) I'm actually looking forward to it...but I do have a Mother's Tea to go to with Caleb. I'm going to try to go a little longer tomorrow if I can. We will see how that goes.
How did you do today? I didn't exercise at all. Well, I take that back...40 calf raises while I was pumping gas, but I don't think that is considered "getting my heart rate up." I did push away from the table of my favorite restaurant where Paul, the girls, and I shared a plate of fajitas nachos. I had enough and it was good. I was worshipping the Giver and not the gift, and it felt really good--physically too! I don't think I've ever left there without that bloated feeling. I didn't make the best choices this evening, but did eat a salad at dinner. Baby steps, baby steps, but at least I thought about what I was doing.
On a personal note, mom has another ct scan/ultrasound tomorrow on her kidney, and they will go over her blood work as well. I have a doctor's appointment, so Missy will be with her. I saw my dad yesterday and was able to help him with some miscellaneous stuff. Please just keep praying for all of them. I know how much God wants them on our team.
So, I am signing off and saying Good morning at the same time. Fast for Him, stay strong, and remember to keep the door shut...don't let that lion in....he is there waiting for us-and then to pounce us yet again. Love you guys!
Sam'
Erin, I have questions regarding today's lesson. I don't get questions 14 & 15...can you help? Maybe I will have insight tomorrow, but today's lessons seemed to be a bit redundant. Am I not getting it?
I plan on fasting again tomorrow...in 11 mins. :) I'm actually looking forward to it...but I do have a Mother's Tea to go to with Caleb. I'm going to try to go a little longer tomorrow if I can. We will see how that goes.
How did you do today? I didn't exercise at all. Well, I take that back...40 calf raises while I was pumping gas, but I don't think that is considered "getting my heart rate up." I did push away from the table of my favorite restaurant where Paul, the girls, and I shared a plate of fajitas nachos. I had enough and it was good. I was worshipping the Giver and not the gift, and it felt really good--physically too! I don't think I've ever left there without that bloated feeling. I didn't make the best choices this evening, but did eat a salad at dinner. Baby steps, baby steps, but at least I thought about what I was doing.
On a personal note, mom has another ct scan/ultrasound tomorrow on her kidney, and they will go over her blood work as well. I have a doctor's appointment, so Missy will be with her. I saw my dad yesterday and was able to help him with some miscellaneous stuff. Please just keep praying for all of them. I know how much God wants them on our team.
So, I am signing off and saying Good morning at the same time. Fast for Him, stay strong, and remember to keep the door shut...don't let that lion in....he is there waiting for us-and then to pounce us yet again. Love you guys!
Sam'
I'm right there with ya...
Hi Sam.
Well, I did week 3 day 1 today too, and I could have written almost an identical blog.
It is easy to get distracted, isn't it? That's the enemy's plan!
We can do all things through Christ's strength.
More later...
Love ya!
Erin
Well, I did week 3 day 1 today too, and I could have written almost an identical blog.
It is easy to get distracted, isn't it? That's the enemy's plan!
We can do all things through Christ's strength.
More later...
Love ya!
Erin
Accountablilty for Hire!
Hey guys...well, the title says it all...I need more accountability. I felt very good about the first fast day, last Thursday, and thought, "hey, I can do this." Well, Friday came along, as well as Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, and I am just now getting back into bible study. I think my pride sat my fall up. What do you think? I actually did okay with the eating over those days, but didn't stick to my planned days of juice, etc. And, I am going to have to do that if I want to lose this weight. I decided to do a reg/half day today since I will be fasting again tomorrow. I need to run to HIM on the other days as well, and yet I get to busy, to legalistic about what I am doing, and forget (isn't that sad) to go to the One who holds my accountability. So with all of that, I started week 3, day 1 today, and hope to be caught up by Friday. Today's lesson has also taught me that I will need to fast from this computer as well. I will only be checking emails, blogs, etc., at night because I am waisting too much time during the day at the computer. I should be cleaning, etc....but instead, I choose to sit here and then complain why my house looks so bad, or why I didn't play with the kids, etc. Those little idols keep creeping up and as I am trying to knock down the food one, I see others stacking up. I don't know if they are just on the rise now, or if it has always been that way and I just didn't see all of the little ones entangled under the big one. Bottom line, an idol is an idol in God's eyes.
Prayer request for this week:
1. That I keep God in proper place-the top! When I do that, I will see more moderation
2. That I keep fear at bay...with swimming, kids, parents, etc.
3. That I keep enough tuned out so that I can hear God when He speaks to me.
Love you guys. Will check back in tonight....maybe. :)
Prayer request for this week:
1. That I keep God in proper place-the top! When I do that, I will see more moderation
2. That I keep fear at bay...with swimming, kids, parents, etc.
3. That I keep enough tuned out so that I can hear God when He speaks to me.
Love you guys. Will check back in tonight....maybe. :)
Friday, May 2, 2008
Petunia?
Petunia? Penelope? Petranella? Call it what you want, but you get the picture. Erin, Michelle texted me early yesterday morning and I replied that I put on some tight shorts and had "great insight" that it would help me with my fast. Well, I texted her back later with, "Wearing tight shorts while driving isn't a good thing....didn't know what hurt worse...my belly or my crotch. :)
So there is the joke...hope your day is a good one. I am swimming out from under all of my laundry, and although not fasting today, have done well this morning. Moderation! The key to living well...hmmm...what a revelation! Okay, laundry is calling! Love you guys.
Sam' and Petunia
So there is the joke...hope your day is a good one. I am swimming out from under all of my laundry, and although not fasting today, have done well this morning. Moderation! The key to living well...hmmm...what a revelation! Okay, laundry is calling! Love you guys.
Sam' and Petunia
Huh? I'm lost
All right, girls ... I'm confused. Now y'all can have your inside jokes, but if we're sharing them on this blog, you gotta keep me in the know...
So what's this? We should wear too tight of pants on fast day? And what does this do for petunia? And I think I know what petunia is, but I'm not sure... :)
Here is my weekly schedule that I'm going to try to keep up:
Sunday: Normal Day
Monday: Half Day
Tuesday: Juice Day
Wednesday: Normal Day
Thursday: Fast Day
Friday: Normal Day
Saturday: Half Day
On juice day are you two going to eat supper with the family like fast day? Just wondering.
So what's this? We should wear too tight of pants on fast day? And what does this do for petunia? And I think I know what petunia is, but I'm not sure... :)
Here is my weekly schedule that I'm going to try to keep up:
Sunday: Normal Day
Monday: Half Day
Tuesday: Juice Day
Wednesday: Normal Day
Thursday: Fast Day
Friday: Normal Day
Saturday: Half Day
On juice day are you two going to eat supper with the family like fast day? Just wondering.
Successful first Fast
Good morning. I was very pleased with yesterday. I really enjoyed cooking and having dinner with my family. Erin, that grilled salmon recipe is yummy, but you have to be careful with how much seasoning you rub into it. After that, I felt like I was pretty successful with my grocery shopping last night, which by the way, did not get me home until 11:30. By the time I got home, my knees were killing me = cardio DVD I did yesterday morning...yeah, I'm paying for it now. But all in all, a very good day. Thanks for all of the encouragement you guys. You are the best. I just had my mini bagel with peanut butter and 1 cup of skim milk and feel pleasantly full! woowoo. Michelle, I bought another pair of shorts...a size smaller, but more "relaxed." Yeah, my knees weren't the only thing sore last night. :) Even though a little painful, I will still probably wear those same shorts on the next fast day. It really did help to feel the tightness everywhere. I'm amazed with myself that I was "actually shocked" they really fit me that way. Can you say, "puffy?" Oh, the denial we live in. Well, enough about petunia...she is relaxing now. Have a great day and weekend! Look forward to seeing your blogs...you have a lot to catch up on. Erin, ...this supercook.com thing is wonderful. I have half a bag of dried apricots that I need to use up and viola...apricot glazed chicken, and my favorite: chocolate dipped apricots. Okay, so the sight isn't fat-free, but I guess that is up to us to make it that way. :P
Sam'
Sam'
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Good Fasting Morning...
Hi! Are we ready to face the day? I am, with the strength of the Lord!
Here is something I've been thinking about that I was able to really articulate as I did the study this morning. One of the lies I have been believing is, "The kids need to be on a good eating schedule, but I 'deserve' to eat when and how I want."
It is so freeing to write that out and then name that statement as a LIE FROM THE ENEMY!
The truth is, I do want my kids on a good eating schedule for their benefit and the smooth running of my household. On a typical day they eat breakfast, lunch, a snack and then dinner. Occasionally we will have dessert after dinner with daddy (once or twice a week). Now, I truly believe if I required this schedule of myself (and it is what I have been doing on normal & half days this past week), I will be a woman of moderation. On weekdays when it is just me and the kids, I rarely deter from this schedule for them. Now, why do I think I "deserve" something different? Because I crave the comfort food brings me! After all my hard work with the house and kids, I deserve some comfort. That isn't a lie, I do need comfort - but not from food, from the Lord! Flipping back a little in Romans from where our study was this morning I found Romans 6:15-16, "So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does this mean we go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master! You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval."
I want God's approval, I do not want to be a slave to the sin of finding comfort in food. Ta da! Lightbuld moment!
Make it a great day!
Love,
Erin
Here is something I've been thinking about that I was able to really articulate as I did the study this morning. One of the lies I have been believing is, "The kids need to be on a good eating schedule, but I 'deserve' to eat when and how I want."
It is so freeing to write that out and then name that statement as a LIE FROM THE ENEMY!
The truth is, I do want my kids on a good eating schedule for their benefit and the smooth running of my household. On a typical day they eat breakfast, lunch, a snack and then dinner. Occasionally we will have dessert after dinner with daddy (once or twice a week). Now, I truly believe if I required this schedule of myself (and it is what I have been doing on normal & half days this past week), I will be a woman of moderation. On weekdays when it is just me and the kids, I rarely deter from this schedule for them. Now, why do I think I "deserve" something different? Because I crave the comfort food brings me! After all my hard work with the house and kids, I deserve some comfort. That isn't a lie, I do need comfort - but not from food, from the Lord! Flipping back a little in Romans from where our study was this morning I found Romans 6:15-16, "So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does this mean we go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master! You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval."
I want God's approval, I do not want to be a slave to the sin of finding comfort in food. Ta da! Lightbuld moment!
Make it a great day!
Love,
Erin
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