Almost done

Ok, so it has been forever and a day since I have even blogged, but I see that I wasn't too far behind. I am only on day 2 or 3 of week 8, but I plan to finish it this week. I will have to say that like Erin, I cannot check the box next to "Woman of Moderation," but I can say that I know that Voice, I hear that Voice and am no longer ignorant to my sin with food. I do see more obedience in regards to listening, but have in no way conquered it. I intend to listen more so that I can become more and more sensitive to His voice, and no matter what study we do next, I do want to do another one together, but I also know that we must continue to ask one another how we are obeying in regards to our eating. I know we have ALL learned a deal about ourselves and about God through this that we are more accountable to each other and to God to listen and obey. Let's do that for one another.

I love the idea of what Sam had mentioned on the phone this morning, but I don't know if we are ready to do that or not. Whatever we do, and I'd love to start it soon, (though going through Luke with church would be fine too) we should do a new blog to go along with it. This has been good. What're your thoughts? Also, just for the sake of finishing, we should each end with our weight in the same way we started with it. I'm not too excited to do that, but it is a good conclusion along with our final thoughts.

I also wanted to thank you guys for the good conversation this morning. I love to hear from you guys and hash things out. It was refreshing and uplifting and I hope you all feel the same way. It just solidifies in my mind the fact that we need to do another study of some kind soon, if not right away! I love you both and am very grateful for your influence in your families, my life and in Christianity in general. We need more open an honest people in the world who aren't afraid to be vulnerable and don't act like all things are perfect in life. Charade-less women (at least most of the time. After all, we aren't perfect).

Study is Done!

Hey girls. Well, I can say that I have completed the study. It was very eye opening and thought provoking and I learned a lot. Can I say, "I am now a woman of moderation. Check!" Uh, no. However, I feel like I have tools, resources and knowledge that I have never before had and I feel like that is great. I still have a looong way to go, but I truly do look forward to the day when I have true freedom in this area of my life. I have had other battles in my life that God has set me free from, so I know He can do this for me to, in His time. I am thankful that my heart's desire is to be a woman of moderation! How about you? Any final thoughts as we complete this study? And where to now?

I am also so thankful for the discipline and accountability of being in a study with you girls. No, I haven't been completely consistent, but I have made it somewhat of a habit to be in the Word. I don't want that to go by the wayside now. I don't think I am ready to redo the Women of Moderation study right now - however, I think I will do it again sometime. For now, I am going to pick up in the Luke study that our church is doing.

How are you two doing? Sam, thank you for your honest confession. And good for you for seeing the sin for what it was. I know exactly what you are talking about with that and I know we wouldn't have had that revelation if it wasn't for this study. Good for you! Can't wait to hear from you two.

E

Confession Time!

Ouch, today's lesson hurt! I'm still in week seven, day 2, "While the meat was still between their teeth." I sometimes wonder why things happen like they do. Like why I am still on week 7...I was so sick last week that I didn't even do any of the study. Excuses could run for days, but I don't think it would have had the impact on me if I would have studied it any sooner. Being sick, I lost a couple of pounds...not the way I wanted, but loss nonetheless. I weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant with the girls. I'm still a good 60 lbs overweight, but I have to tell you, sick or not, I felt pretty good when I saw the scale number. (which triggers me to believe that could be a whole other therapy session in itself.) Anyway, long story short, I went to church for the first time in 3 weeks and wanted Mexican food last night after we were leaving Calvary. I didn't necessarily crave anything, I was just hungry, and bottom line....I just WANTED it. I didn't want to come home and have an egg sandwich, or whatever we could create out of our "end of the month...got to make it stretch...food items" we have here at the house. To be honest, our dining out budget was blown but that didn't matter to me. I wanted Mexican food. (stomp foot!) Well, my husband graciously stopped at the local Crazy Jose's and we ate dinner. I have to say, it was good, very good. It was there that I fell into the hands of the enemy. It wasn't the tantrum I through in my mind, or even the endless chips and hot sauce, but my noncompliance with obeying the little voice that told me "that is enough." Over and over again, I ignored it...like a screaming child in a public place...or the pink elephant in the room. I knew what I was doing at the time, and I felt bad, but not bad enough to stop. Once I came home, I started feeling bloated from all of the chips and salt, etc. but hey, "it was good." This morning I woke at 4:30 feeling so bloated and full...like my stomach is in my throat. I know it isn't a coincidence that today's lesson was meant for just this moment. I'm such an Israelite. I whined because I wanted other food ...all the while God had provided good food for me to eat at home. I through a fit and God allowed me over to myself. Now I feel sick, bloated, greasy...all to my own doing. Lord, forgive me for being defiant...allow me to feel this way all day...as a reminder that you want me to listen to you. Your manna is sufficient for me. When I take my eyes off you, food does become my idol. Help it not to be so today. Forgive me for being a spoiled brat. Girls, I need tough love right now, don't let me rationalize my behavior.

How are the two of you doing? Hope to hear from you soon. Lots of love-have a great, moderate day!

Sam'

Ah, the Color Green

I thought I wouldn't have to have this topic of conversation again since the girls potty trained. I'm afraid I will have to if this virus doesn't stop. I took Bailey to the doctor yesterday because she ran a 105 fever the night before. Some type of weird virus. She hasn't gotten the green stuff yet, and she is playing like she never had a temp. Me on the otherhand, can barely take a full breath without going into a coughing fit and then OF COURSE, pee my pants. Lovely! I knew I should have kept some pads on hand. Anyway, I am just now doing dishes from Monday/Sunday ...I stayed on the couch pretty much all day yesterday. I thought I'd wake this morning well and rested but not so fast. I think I'm going to run and pick the kids some dinner up and call it a night. Paul won't get home until 9 or so and by then, I will probably be back in bed. If I feel bad again tomorrow, I will get to the doctor. I don't have anyone to watch the kids and I refuse to get my mother sick. She has offered, but no way. Dad isn't having a good day today, but I can't go check on him either. Paul and I discussed the fact that if he would get this, it could very well kill him. Not going to live with that guilt.

As for the fudgepops, well...my wonderful husband couldn't find the cheap kind, so opted out of buying me any! How dare he! Doesn't he understand that you can't put a price on a good fudge pop...especially when you're sick? So with that, he came home with Blue Bunny, Sweet Freedom (no sugar added) Black raspberry frozen dairy dessert bar. At least they are covered in chocolate! Only 90 calories. They were so good that after the first one I thought I'd have another, only to hear "woman of moderation" whisper through my ears! So I didn't have another one until the next day. :)

Okay, need to go...just coughed!

S'

Are you better?

Ugh! What a weekend. I hope NOT to try that method anytime soon. Hope you enjoyed your Fudgcicles. Michelle is on the farm, so I don't know how much we'll hear from her until later this week.

Love,
E

The KEY to weekend weightloss!!!

Okay, well the trip would have been fun, but it is Sunday night and I am home. I woke yesterday with "one of my headaches," vomitted, and then felt good enough to plot out on our trip. When we arive, I have a 101 fever. BAD idea...looks like I have the flu, or at least that is what I am assuming. I didn't eat anything at the party and finally broke my fever, only to run it again. A friend from Beaumont ended up driving us back home because all day today my temp has been at 102. Fun. Not eating...a little nauseous...hot/cold/hot/cold and my body feels like someone is trying to make a wish bone out of my legs. Paul asked if I needed anything from the store, ie Sprite, and I said fudge sickles. He ran to get me some only after making a funny comment about it not being for my physical well being, but for my mental sickness I have with ice-cream...fudge sickles particularly. I would have slapped him, but I was so bundled up with my thick fuzzy socks, long pants, sweatshirt and three covers, that it hurt too much to move. :) Yeah, I'm getting my fudge sickles in about 30 mins. Who's da man!? So I am now going to take my clammy self over and wait...:) I figured by not eating much this weekend, I can fudge a little tonight. I'm certain my weight loss will be less in the morning, but whoa...what a way to lose it. I think I prefer the other way! Talk to you tomorrow.

Hot Mama (sick, and still funny!)

Weekend Trip

No, not for all of "US", but for me and the kids. We are going to see our friends in Katy (about 2 1/2 hours away) today and the kids and I are staying and will be back on Monday night. I just thought I'd let you know so you don't think I'm skippin town on you. (well, I actually am, but you know what I mean.) This should be our last trip of the season. We were to go before our TN trip, but had to go to the funeral instead. The kids will see two sets of friends that haven't seen in a long time...one is driving in from San Antonio, so it will be one big slumber party. It will be fun, but I so wished it would be with you guys! I'll be back in touch on Tuesday! Have a great weekend.

Love,

Sam'

About time!

Yes, I feel like I finally rejoined our group this week! So, don't either of you give up now! Hope you have a good moderate weekend (I know I have my brother's birthday party to contend with), ladies. Love you both. Sorry about the stitches, Sam. Chris' mom had something similar, but it was on her ankle, not her face. Well, you are still beautiful, even if you have something boogerish under your nose!

...a few stitches later...

I have 3 stitches in my right ear where my dermatologist removed the "suspicious" freckle, and will have them removed in 7 days. The spot under my nose was removed as well, however I have no stitches there...just a black blob that looks like an infected booger. Lovely! :) All in all, things went well...she doesn't really think there is anything to worry about, but her gut feeling told her to remove both. Best to be safe than sorry!

Okay, Caleb wants to play on the computer and everyone else is napping. I think it is calling my name too!

Later.

S'

Please leave your blog at the sound of the beep!

Yeah, that is my life this week. Busy, busy, busy...and I didn't even do VBS! Yeah, I haven't really done the study this week either. I had all intentions on doing so, but the flare up kicked my hiney this time and I spent a lot of this week in bed. I am just now feeling better. Of course, I have a dermatologist appt this morning, so I don't have much time to blog.

Erin, glad to see this has been a good week for you. I've done okay with the eating...nothing special though. Michelle, your niece is precious, but you seriously have to be spokin' crack to want another one. OMGoodness, just the thought makes my head hurt! :)

I'll try to be back later. Have a great day, both of you! Love you both.

Sam'

Not alone!

I am here...barely at times, but here. I did fast today, but I was basically counting down the seconds until dinner and then had 2 brats (only one with a bun...but still).
I have been doing well getting up to do my study, though I kept falling asleep today. I, too, feel like the Israelites who were idiots all the time not seeing what they had when they had it and complaining all the way. What is it? It's just as Paul said in today's lesson (day 3) that we do what we don't want to do and what we DO want to do, we don't do it. The continual issue of sin. It is tiring and redundant and just plain irritating, but we have this amazing Father who is loving and patient and kind and we just don't get it. Can any of us wait until we do?!?

On a brighter note, Nadia Renee Svoboda (Phil and Shelley's baby) joined us last night (Wednesday, July 16th) at 8pm weighing in at 8lbs 5oz and 21 inches long. Nadia means Hope and Renee means reborn/born again. Very cool, and boy is she cute! I hate not being able to go see her and hold her and all that stuff, and yes, it makes we want another one. There, I said it.

Ahem, are you there?

Am I blogging to myself?

It is hard to fast after a long day (4th day, mind you) of VBS. But you already know it is hard, Jesus. May I rest in YOUR strength today. Like Sam, I thank YOU for calling me to be a woman of moderation. Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth of your Word. Thank you for friends who have a similar calling!

Day 3

Success at getting up 3 days in a row and getting my study in. Woohoo! So I am finally on week 7 now. Why can I feel so committed in my heart this week, but be so ready to turn my back last week? I hate how fickle I am. Just like those Israelites I mocked as a child. I am such a slow learner! I want to understand that God's way is best in all things. Even in what I put in my mouth. For me, especially what I put in my mouth.

How are you girls doing?

VBS DAY 2

I feel like I am swimming in VBS land this week. Sam, I loved reading your blog and reading through your attitude change. I'll probably have to read through that again for myself come Thursday!

Praying for you and your family!!

Okay, I FINALLY finished week 6. I had some success with letting God have the reins to my eating yesterday. I pray for the same today.

Sniffle, sniffle. My baby is in a "big girl bed" now. I even took down her changing table as a motivation to get her potty trained (after VBS!!). Makenna's gettin' all growed up. I even had a moment like that watching Jackson at VBS yesterday. He's not my little preschooler anymore. He was running and looked so tall to me. It goes fast, doesn't it? And those are my sentiments for the day. . .

Give Him the reins today!
E

Who?

Okay, I have to admit, it is now 10:30 and I am just finishing my study for week 7, day 1. I haven't been feeling well, and this morning was no different. I had hoped to get up and get Paul and the kids off to Bible School, stay up, do my study, and then start on my house. Of course it never goes to plan. My whole body hurts and I didn't rest well last night because of it, and so on. So, I got everyone on their way and went back to sleep. Or at least tried to...when I ache like this, I have found a connection between my pain and the weird dreams I have. After battling things I shouldn't have been thinking/dreaming about, I got up to answer my mom's phone call. She needed to vent, and to be honest, I really didn't want to be the one to listen. I personally think it is a bunch of bull, yada, yada, yada, and so I tried hard to steer her away from it. Long story short, I think she is feeling a little lonely and needs someone to take her on a few errands. Now my schedule looks like it is going to be quiet full without VBS, and I think that kind of stinks! Okay, can I whine anymore? I should be grateful I have this opportunity with my mom, right? I need to change my attitude! So, I went to weigh in before I start my day and to my surprise, I have lost a little more weight since leaving for vacation. How did that happen? That was a little pick me up. I did today's lesson and reviewed what I could (I had forgotten that I did this one when in TN.) I am amazed at our God. It is so hard for me to truly understand that the God we study in the OT is the same, wonderful, powerful God who calls out to me today, who answers me today, and who convicts my heart of my sorry attitude today! The funny thing is that questions #3, part B, I skipped when I did this before because I just didn't have an answer, or either I didn't fully understand the question. This morning however, God showed me that my anxiety is no different than Moses. Moses question God why would he choose him to do such a daunting task. Moses immediately questioned his own self worth, but God had CHOSEN Moses to do this...just like HE has CHOSEN US to overcome this eating thing. So, the overwhelming part is that "God has specifically chosen us to do this...if not, it wouldn't have been so to do this study." The great I AM has chosen me to be a woman of moderation. WOW. Yeah, attitude changed! Check! Now, I need to do a few things before I go and minister to my wonderful mother. Pray for her today. My heart truly aches because they don't know Jesus. Pray for me. How can I show them Jesus if my heart/attitude doesn't change.

Okay, got to go. Love y'all. Thanks again for everything you are to me! And thanks Erin, Caleb wants a cake like that for his birthday too! Yeah.

Sam'

It's VBS week!

Hi ladies.
Well, not exactly on week 7. I just finshed week 6 day 4. However, I am COMMITTED to waking up every day this week and doing my study prior to getting the kids up and ready and off to VBS. Please, check up on me! I really have been in a funk about this study and I have not wanted to deal with it and I have not been eating appropriately. I just love the idea of checking with God prior to eating. I love the idea of giving HIM control of this area of my life. I really feel true repentence today. Thanks for bearing with me and I am praying for all of us to make it a great week.

Love ya,
Erin

Here!

No period. Yeah. Thanks to Loestrin (birth control pill) I have NO period. Woo hoo. Only mild PMS that Chris so accurately points out. I never even realize it is that - and often am offended that he attributes it to that - only to realize a day or too later ... oh, yeah, that's why I was so crabby!

Sam, I wish you were here. I'd have called you today and said, "Bring your three on over, it is slumber party night at the Taylor house." We've got Michelle's kids until 11 or so tomorrow a.m. I hope they sleep in, but that is probably wishful thinking with eight kids. So, let's just hope that Michelle is off her period and having a hot date with her hubby. Michelle, Elijah prayed tonight, "God, thank you that we could spend the night at Jackson and Abby's house. And God thank you that we have friends..." He was so cute.

Sam, I had to show off the castle cake I made for Jackson's birthday. So, if you wonder why I haven't posted lately, I've been in "Super Mommy" mode. Thank God, I let all the kids have some cake and ice cream (outside!!) tonight. I was sick of having that in my refrigerator to battle against!

How was Tennessee?

Well, friends, I will be ready for week 7 with you on Monday!

Hope to post again soon!

Erin

Kissin' Cousins!

Hi Cousin Lazy...it's me...Cousin Ache-n-Pain! How are ya? Me, well...the name says it all. I was extremely tired on Sunday coming home from Tennessee only to realize by Tuesday that I was having a fibromyalgia flare-up. So, Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt as if I had the flu...laid around all day, literally. I can't even tell you what the kids had for lunch that day. (did they have lunch?) Bad mommy. I felt better yesterday morning, but could hardly walk. I was determined that I wasn't going to waste another day of my life to this and so I popped some medicine and headed out the door to decorate our sanctuary for VBS that starts on Monday. You would be so proud of me, ...I didn't sign up to work anywhere! Can you believe it? Now, I don't think I can just go and drop off my three without doing anything, so I am going to be a floater 2 days next week...filling in wherever they are shorthanded. I have a dermatologist appt one day, and I think I will keep the other 2 days free. WEEEE! I'm already looking forward to it. I helped decorate some of the hallways this afternoon, so I feel like I've done my part. Anyway....I will be ready for week 7 on Monday! I need to really review week 6. I have been doing okay with eating, but have to confess that I ate out of pure boredom yesterday. It is those kind of foxes that I have to catch.

Michelle, ...bloated should leave by next week and you will have a better week. Thank God for weekends! :) Erin, is Aunt Flo visiting you as well? :) I'll be in touch over the weekend. Love you both!

Sam'

L-A-Z-Y!!!!

I have been sitting in this chair with my computer for well over an hour, perhaps 2. I am wasting my time and don't seem to care. I have so much to do and kids to play with and I am doing none of it. I started to fast today, but thought that I was going to be cleaning Linda's house and decided not to, but turns out that here I am. I feel huge and fat and worthless at the moment because this stupid period has me drained and tired and unmotivated. Excuses, I know. Just get up and do it. I know. Well, Satan lures me by the key strokes of my laptop and I succumb. I would love to see a post from someone. I am going to make some calls here. Don't make me take out the phone! :-)

Hello Ladies!?!?!?!

I haven't any idea what movie that's from, but perhaps you've seen it...? It's Jerry Lewis and probably Dean Martin, but Jerry comes into a room and in that goofy voice of his screams in a song-like manner, "hello ladies!"

Ok, enough of that...where is everyone? I know we have all been rather busy, but it has been close to 2 weeks since the last post. Does that mean that it has been almost 2 weeks since we have all been on track? I hope that we haven't forsaken the principles completely. I had a totally crappy day, all of my own doing, I suppose which is what makes it all the more frustrating. I had the nibbles and gave in a few times, but then I remembered the idea of allowing God to direct me when to eat, or today, when not to eat and threw some of my swiss cake roll in the trash. Ugh!

I guess it makes sense to start week 7 next Monday, if we are all ready to. I still want to get the verse for this week down pat. How are you all doing??? Any encouragements for us? I guess I can say that even if we are listening to what God has for us and choose to follow, if even with irritated reluctance as I had when throwing away my swiss roll today, we are still listening and obeying and God can use that. We aren't silencing the Spirit and we are probably more inclined to hear Him again. That's good! Listen, even when we don't want to, even with reluctance. It's better than not.

Week 6 Day 1 take 3???

I only ever made it through day 3 over the past 2 weeks, so being that this is on true repentance, I find it difficult to want to do better and yet not get to bed early enough to get up early enough. True repentance calls me to quit making excuses. So here I sit for lesson 1 of week 6.

Sleeping in has become a sort of idolatry. That and blogging, as I found that much more important to do until 1am rather than to go to bed. Granted I need it, but don't I need time with God? I start doing mindless things when I haven't been with God in His Word. The lesson says, "until we see this sin as God does, there is no hope for true repentance." Do I see sin as God sees sin? NO, I don't. I hate to admit that, but it is hard for me to see the seriousness of sin, especially my own. Rather, I take comfort when one of you falls prey to the same thing I do and I wish I were you when one of you is revelling in a moment you had with God rather than aspire to be that same kind of woman that God wants for me to be. For those I apologize. To both of you and to God. True repentance??? We will see.

Not too long ago I had a talk with my sister about desiring to pleas God over desiring to please our spouse, difficult as that may be. Well, I desire to please myself more than I desire to please God. With weight loss, I want to be thin and I want to look hotter to my husband and I want to be attractive to other people and my kids...all about me. How do we get beyond that to realizing that it's God's opinion on ALL things that matters? What I really want is to be thin because it is an outward manifestation of my inward heart change that shows I have control over indulging myself and it is that mindset which brings glory to God. How do we get there?

• God, I pray that in our mundane, we would not forget that you are still there with us and that you would give us minds that aren't so easily torn away from you. That you would show us that in all things, you are there for us to think about and be thankful toward and to glorify, and not only in the quietness of our day, if we get that far, but even in our busyness. We cannot continually go through our days doing our own thing, mindlessly neglecting you until in a quiet moment you get our attention. May our every thought contain you. May our every action reflect your presence and may we sacrifice daily our wants, our selfishness, our pride, our disobedience. Reveal ourselves...our true selves so that we cannot hide any longer behind false repentance, or any other mask we might use. Show us glimpses of you daily for encouragement and may we not fear for your return as I often do because I have been too caught up in non-eternal things and I am ashamed. Teach us to love you more. Teach us to teach our children the same. May these not just be words that wax eloquent but be the crying out of my heart to a loving and compassionate and forgiving God who desires to wake me up from the slumber of wickedness. Reveal yourself to us like never before and awake our souls to fulfill our reason for living and in turn glorify you, our LORD. Only YOU have the power to make this change in us and it for that that I pray...change my heart o God!

When God enables us, we can do so much more than when we are trying in vain to control things ourselves. My only problem is that I don't know how to surrender my will, my "trying" to Him. Hopefully this next week will be a more full and a more surrendered one to this lesson and to God Himself...even while on vacation. Ugh...

see you all soon!

Morning!

Good morning girls. I haven't done any of my study throughout the week because I have slept in and been busy getting ready to leave, etc. (the excuses could go on and on) but bottom line...I hadn't opened my Bible for almost 7 days. Yeah, not good. No excuse is good enough for that. Anyway, God woke me early enough to have some quiet time and to see the sun come up. I love seeing that...I think it is my favorite part of the day. Anyway, I finally got back into the study and completed day 4 of chapter 6. I thought it was pretty cool how the Desert of Sin was named and that the Israelites main problem was food and their ungrateful hearts for what they had. Verse 4 b read as if it were highlighted in neon green in my Bible..."in this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." Ouch! We always think our sin is just "our sin" and yet we see gluttony has been dealt with for years! Many years! So, I am going to try very hard to apply today's lesson in letting Him feed me physically by never eating without consulting Him first. I need to seek Him for what and how much. This is important to Him, if not, He wouldn't have given specific instructions to the Israelites.

Something to ponder: He gave them bread in the morning and meat at night. I wonder if this is why our diets should contain meat primarily at dinner. Hmmm? Should we be cooking extra on Saturdays?

I can't wait to do this study over again...I really want to dig in!!! There is so much here...wow.

Okay, now for an update on Granny. As of last night, she is no longer on solid foods. Hospice came in yesterday, and she is very weak. What that means, who knows? I'll let you guys know as soon as we hear something. All we have to do is throw are things in a suitcase and we will be off.

I love you guys. Make some time for Him today...I know it is busy with the wedding and all. Michelle, I've been praying that you only speak what God would have you speak. Sometimes God has to remind me that means nothing at all. We just grin and pray a lot. God WILL take care of her. Erin, who knows...Jackson may get his wish after all. :)

Sam'

Don't be shy...

Like Erin said, we are good to go for your girls. Goshen is only a couple hours or less from here, so I am sure we can make any arrangement happen for you. You know we will both bend over backwards to help you out so don't shy away from any request at all!!! There is no inconvenience, if that were to pop into your head at all.

I think I have hit a lull and need to get yanked out of it. I got up again this morning to do my study and just fell asleep too many times to keep focus, so I put it away and lay back down. It was because I was up until 12:30 doing Ruthie's veil. It looks great, but that was WAY too late for me. It is silent now, temporarily, but I have some of last night's dinner on the floor still (thanks Titus) and now today's lunch. I want a nap, but I also wanted to get my front and back closet shelves installed so I can put things away...oh the choices put before me...good, better and best. Ugh!

Keep us posted, Sam.

Hi, Sam. How's Granny doing now? Keep us posted and of course we (I'll speak for Michelle, too) will be here for you - whatever you need. I know when my Grandma Walker passed away a good friend of my mom's watched my three and Kayla (age7) in the kid's area at the church. This way they didn't have to sit in the memorial service but were able to join us for the luncheon after. That worked well.

Praying for your family during this time!

Love,
Erin

A Quick Note

Hey guys...just thought I'd post an update. We are still in Texas, but as of yesterday, Granny is talking to angels. Jan's brother walked in on the conversation. With that confirmation, so to speak, we are busy getting wash done, van cleaned, etc. in order to get packed up. That is what my day is looking like...busy with last minute things before packing. Anyway, I don't know how we can work it all out, but I'd love to see you guys while we are on that side of the Mason Dixon. I know Caleb will sit through the funeral, but I don't think the girls can yet. I'm just thinking out loud here, but I may need to call on my best buds to help us with childcare. I think the girls are the youngest of all the cousins, but we'll see. All of that to say, I may be calling you guys. I'm assuming the funeral will take place at Granny's church in Goshen, Indiana, and after the burial, I'm sure we will have the family lunch/dinner somewhere. (that seems to be custom with the Grabers)

Okay, laundry needs to be done. Love you guys...have a good day! I'm going to try to keep focus on my moderation. I know Satan would love for me to get so busy in preparation that I would forget all that needs to be applied spiritually. Also, as you pray today, please pray extra for Jan and Nelson...Nelson is still having some major anxiety attacks, etc. I'll fill you in on everything else later.

Sam'

Yesterday

Good evening. I've been waiting for a quite moment to write. I think it has arrived... we'll see!

Guess what? Fasting was really cool yesterday. By "coincidence" on my fasting day what should arrive in the mail but LifeLines, The Annual Report of Bethany Christian Services. This is the adoption agency that Chris and I have looked into. The whole adoption thing has been on our minds since last Christmas time, as you know. We were unable to attend the last couple of "Discovering Adoption" meetings Bethany has (they have them once every month/couple months) in Indianapolis, so the whole thing has been on the back burner. We want to attend, meet some live people and really get a feel for it before totally committing.

Anyway, I started reading the 20 page newsletter filled with pictures and stories of adoption during what would typically be lunch time. Boy did I feast on that newsletter. No, it isn't God's Word exactly, but stories of people living out God's call on their lives. I was a bawling baby and so thankful to God for people who are able to take care of orphans and so sure that God is calling us in this direction. So, I really went through the rest of my day of fasting on a 'high' because I have once again truly felt his Spirit calling me and my family to a special child somewhere. It is scary and worrisome and exciting.

Now, my darling dearest husband Christopher is the level-headed one of us, but when he read through the newsletter last night, even he was like, "When are we going to that meeting again?!?" I said, "The next one is August 16 [our 11th anniversary btw]." He said, "Not 'till then?" Of course, he thinks even more about the logical stuff like, how will we handle this financially and what if I don't love the kid because he's not "from me." At the same time, he is very open to pursuing this and I've seen some flickers of excitement and possibility in him. I'm shaking with excitement as I type this!!

If you want to actually read this article (one of several inspiring articles in the newsletter), right click and open in a new tab and the print will be big enough to read. At least read to the second paragraph where she quotes Isaiah - how awesome is God that I would be reading through this article on my fasting day. WOW!

So, please pray for the following:

1. That I have peace and patience until we are able to get to the meeting August 16.

2. That we actually get to go to the meeting August 16!

3. Pray that Chris and I will seek God in each and every decision we need to make.

4. Pray specifically that we will know clearly from where we are to adopt.

5. Pray that should this be the plan God has for us that financial answers will be made clear.

Much more, but that'll have to do for now!

And on a totally different note...

Michelle, hope you have a great and enjoyable time hosting your sister's shower tomorrow. It'll be great, I'm sure! Since you didn't call, I'll assume you've got it together!

Sam, Happy 4th Birthday to the girls! WOW! FOUR!

He gave me a quiet house and a wakeful mind...

Oddly enough it is 7:26 and I am done. I do my study on the computer. I use Biblegateway.com for any and all versions of the Bible and wordweb for a dictionary/thesaurus. I also found a praise song site that has the titles and lyrics of praise songs as I can never remember them on my own. Justworship.com. So I don't know if it was the fervent prayer, or the cookie, but I stayed awake and I feel pretty good...enough to start folding these 3 loads of clothes sitting next to me on the floor...

I learned, and will hopefully be reminded of during the day, that if I will just be faithful in my attempts to feast on God, to seek Him and to wait to hear what He has to say, He WILL fill me and feed me and satisfy me. I don't feel fed/satisfied by Him and that is because I am not faithful to Him. I want something that I am not willing to be still and look for. I want it to just be there when I want it, like a feast that I didn't help prepare, so-to-speak. The Little Red Hen story comes to mind. Silly analogy, but it's kinda how I feel now. So, that being said, I praise God for the still quiet morning that I am having (except for the sound of the garbage truck passing my house that I neglected to put the trash out for...) and I pray that He will give me remembrance of His word throughout the day, and energy to prepare my house for Ruthie's shower tomorrow afternoon. I pray that I am not like a chicken with my head cut off, scrambling around the house not knowing where to start.

Dear Sleeping Beauty...

I say that with jest. Michelle, it is always good to learn life lessons, but don't beat yourself up too hard. We all are having struggles with this study. I just now feel as if I'm starting to "get it." I think the next time we go through it, I will be ready...ready to TRULY do the study, and not just read it. As I said before, I wish I could say that I get up early every morning to be with the Lord, but I just simply wake up early...sometimes. Others, I sleep until Paul gets me up, or even better, until one of the little beauties say, "Mom, can you get me breakfast now?" Yeah, that makes me feel like I should get "Mommy of the Day." All of that to say, God knows where you are and what needs to be done. Just make sure that you don't fall into my trap...focusing more on what needs to be done and not enjoying any of your day. Your kids will remember if you played with them, not if the house was spotless. And remember, it is Satan who gets us busy and wants to keep us that way. So, if laundry piles up, so be it. We are ALWAYS going to have laundry, right Erin? :) Matter of fact, I'm looking at piles in my floor right now. There, doesn't that make you feel better?

As for Granny, well...she is getting weaker. One moment, Jan thinks it may be within 2 weeks, another moment, she thinks she could last a while like this. This is the little lady who made "6 months to live" stretch into over 6 years. Jan is having a really hard time right now. She is pulled between her mom and Nelson (who is having some severe depression and major anxiety attacks) and I hear some frustration and even resentment in her voice. Bottom line...she is being pulled in too many directions at once. So, we just have to take one day at a time. I'm actually going to take the van in this morning and have the tires balanced and rotated. I have been having dreams that I have a load of people who suddenly show up on my door and my house is a mess...so many things to do and no time. It went from being messy to now having food everywhere and many, many rodents running all over, and people are running around like crazy and screaming! Hmmm...wonder what that is telling me? Thank God the house is sandy, but no food out and no rodents. Okay, well...no rodents. This is what I get for making fun of laundry loads Erin! Anyway, when something does happen, you two will be the first to know.

Well, the birthday girls are up and we need to start our day. Lots to do today! I'll check back in later! Have a good day, all day!

S'

I'm up...now to stay awake

Ok, it is 6:26am and I am in my chair. I have a tall glass of water and ate a chocolate chip cookie to see if that will help. I pray now that this lesson will be a fruitful one for me.

The reason I get up, even when I want to sleep, is really not because of abiding by a rule. I truly believe that if I listen to the Holy Spirit when he's telling me that it's a better idea to get up than to listen to myself and sleep, that he will speak to me during the lesson...that by doing what's right I will have more of a chance to have a heart softening. That is my prayer.

Sam, how's granny???

How my friends know me...

Aaaah, my heart, my heart, my heart. How nice of you to ask. Good question. Hmmm. Can you see I'm stalling...? You know, I have been somewhat avoiding blogging because I read the epiphanies you have, Sam, and even the light bulbs that you have, Erin, and I would have to say that I feel like I could be so close to those moments, but they pass me by because I am not sitting still long enough, and I feel like I have good excuses...but they are just that. Justifications and rationalizations. Overall, I believe that the problem is that I am tired and unorganized. And selfish. I get up at 6 and fall asleep doing my study, so as of late (past couple of days) I have been sleeping in. I don't spend enough time with the kids, because I am trying to get caught up in the house, which I feel I will never get. I have so many projects to complete and that doesn't even begin to include the normal chores of the house, that I don't know where to begin, except that the kitchen always needs to be cleaned, so I usually start there. Then I get side-tracked somewhere in the middle of that job to go change the kids and get them ready for the day, break up some fights, cool some attitudes, clean up the upstairs and it's almost 11am. Lunch around 11:30, naps a hair after noon and then I have the older boys take quiet time for half an hour. They want to play with me the whole nap time, but i know that I have laundry to do or a host of other things, though I want them to feel like I want to be with them, I don'tknow. The kids get up around 3, Tim's home by 4:45, I start dinner and we eat by 6 and kids are in bed again by 8ish. I either go to bed right away so as not to be tired, or I get personal things done, and I feel that I deserve MY time, and yet I don't equate MY time with having or doing my quiet time. God has spoken to me on some small levels that I needed at the time, but I am asking for so much more right now. I want to get more meat out of what I read, and feel like when I pray to understand the lesson, no one is listening because I don't draw life changing information from the lessons...for some reason. THat and I forget what the lesson was about 10 minutes after I quit (which is half way through because the kids get up and need me). I haven't the energy to go go go anymore and I am far more likely to peter out than I used to be and when I peter out, I sit and relax (watch tv or work on the computer), all the while being mad at myself for sitting there watching tv and not getting something done. Now, here it is 11:30pm and I am still up because I wanted to blog, but since I have fallen asleep at least 8 times during this-so far- it has taken a lot longer than I wanted. All this whining...I HATE whining. I do not put up with it in kids and yet here I am. The short of it, I think, begins with I need to get organized. Really. That would help, I think. Of course, none of that answered the question of how my heart is. I feel like with the speed of my days and the lack of devotion to God, my heart isn't soft for him. Part because I am not committed to Him and part because I am frustrated that He hasn't revealed things to me which brings me right back to why would he reveal anything to me when I don't give him my time...? Argh!

Aren't you glad you asked, Erin??? I'm almost embarassed to hit "publish post" but I sat here through all this so I had better persevere, publilsh this and get to bed. I so badly want to sleep in tomorrow because Elijah and Levi went with Tim to pick up Tim's grandma, and they won't be back until tomorrow afternoon, so I am able to sleep longer I am so sorry, Jackson. rearranging the day off to get the boys to be here, and by a freak chance, they aren't. I even got Levi out of bed tonight so he could go...per Tim's request. After reading all this, you can tell I am in and out of sleep...the thoughts are so jumpy and more like from the mind of a crazy lady. That's what I feel like a lot. A crazy lady who's on her own, scrambling to make it through the day.

On a slightly less selfish side, I am glad to be going through your growth, ladies. It's almost discouraging because I can't join in with you and I want to, but I am glad for you that you are growing closer to God. I just don't want to feel so disjoined anymore and I know I am my own "disjoiner."

Fasting Today

Hi. Thanks for your faithfulness, Sam. It is so encouraging to see how God is working in your life. For the last couple weeks, my heart just has not been in this thing. I just haven't felt like dealing with it. So I have ignored it all until this week. I finished Week 5 Day 4 this morning and I really feel amazed by his love for me, for us. With the reality of my sin and the lack of affection I so often have for him, he wants and desires me. It is quite amazing and humbling. I have strayed for two weeks, but he has remained the same.

With that said, I have committed today to him. I did not fast the last two Thursdays (one I excused myself from due to my race, the other Thursday I just didn't for no other reason than I wanted to eat food more than I wanted to feast from him). So today I want to truly repent of my stubborn behavior and I want to truly eat from his Word and satisfy myself in him. Pray for my rebellion and pray that I will continue to seek him.

Sam, I prayed for you today and for your specific requests.
Michelle, I know by checking out your hot bod as of late that you have been "following the rules" that you have put in place for this study. How's your heart?

Love you two!
Later.
E

True repentance

Morning! I haven't even looked at today's lesson yet...I'm still kind of sick over yesterday's. What a slap in the face. I definitely have not experienced true repentance...hmmm, wonder why? See, even now, it is more of a joke to me than remorseful. I'm experiencing remorse, not repentance. Ouch! So my prayer this morning is for God to break my heart over this. Some days I do great, and I think God would be proud, and other days, I act as if I had no brain at all. Some days I hear that small still prompting and acknowledge it as so, and others I dismiss it as just "one of those voices calling out to me." Arggg! I need my head knowledge to meet with my heart knowledge! With that being said, I need prayer. Please pray that God speaks to me in ways that I understand, and that I will obey. Period! Everything else will fall under that umbrella.

I wish I could say that I woke at 4:43 this morning because I was longing to be in God's Word...that I was longing to be His obedient child, but I can't. Actually I woke with a horrible pain in my stomach...nothing but gas, but very uncomfortable gas, and as soon as I opened my eyes acknowledging my discomfort, I KNEW it was because I ate "something else" late last night. Be it that it was just a piece of bologna on bread...but I still ate it, and I fought myself one hour before I did it. Yeah, He spoke. Yeah, and I understand! Something I learned this week is that gluttony isn't just eating too much, but also eating at the wrong times, etc. Wow...I need to rework my clock! And now I need to open today's lesson. I am really enjoying this, but I feel like I am just NOW "getting" some of it. Michelle I am with you to do this over once we finish! Maybe by then I will be applying how to be a woman of moderation and not just studying about it.

Prayer request for you guys? Specifics?

Please pray for me this week:

1. that God speaks in ways that I understand & I obey
2. that I praise God over small victories
3. that I respond to the kids' discipline and not react
4. that I become a better steward of what God has given me/us.
5. that God hugs us as we prepare for Granny's passing.
6. that my family will give in and give it up to Him
7. that I give God my best and leave the results up to Him. (hard one!...I'm a little "control-freakish" you know. :)

I love you guys and hope to hear from you soon.

Sam'

And an update on Me!

Ahhh...what a nice weekend! We had a fabulous time! We had 3 other girls go with us, but my dear friend put me in a bedroom/bathroom all by myself! LAAAAAAA! The silence and not having to entertain was awesome! Laughed a lot, cried some, and pondered some heavy stuff...all great! Of course, within 30 mins of being home, I had to threaten with "Mr. Spoon" and of course the house could tell I'd been gone, which was kinda of comforting...I never think you can tell when I've worked my hiney off. I now know that there IS a difference between controlled chaos and crazy chaos! :) The kids had a great time with daddy...movies, theater, popcorn, pizza, the works!

As for the study... I loved last weeks...had to share it with the girls over the weekend. I did do Day 1 week 6 this morning in the midst of TV, the girls, and Niki's two little ones chasing each other under my feet. Will need to review tonight.

Paul's 93 year old Granny has gotten ill and is currently in the hospital. Last update as of today is that she may have a couple of weeks. Keep in mind that 6 years ago they told us that she had 6 months to live. Yeah, testy old fart! Anyway, Granny looks to be entering the last stages so please pray for Jan. She is calling me about 3 times a day having to make decisions, etc. She was to move Granny to a nursing home/health care today, but now Granny needs a blood transfusion and there are great risk with that. Losing her immediately is one of them. They think there may be some internal bleeding somewhere, but that has yet to be confirmed. Bottom line...a transfusion will not help with the 4 weeks or so. ???? So, please pray for all of us as we prepare for this. Paul thought he was ready to lose her, but has recently confessed this is hard for him. Granny has been ready and WILLING to go for years now, so it will be a definite celebration for her. It is just hard to see her go. Pray that we honor her and the Lord as we enter all of this. All of that being said, I may be calling you guys from Michigan before too long. :), I mean :(.

Love you and will be in touch soon.

Sam'

Update on Me

Did you have a nice girl's weekend with Niki, Sam? Hope you were able to refresh!

Just FYI, I appear to be the most behind in our study. I just finished Week 5 Day 2. I am sorry for my lack of motivation, but I will perservere!

Erin

4th time's a charm???

Well, here I am attempting to finish day 1 of week 6 for the 4th time now, and that isn't looking so good either. 6am and Elijah is up already. Turkey. He still doesn't grasp that whole "summer vacation and you need to sleep in" thing.

I am still rather tired, but I will try and get this done and still manage to learn something.

I'm so sorry!

It's me...the wayward child...


I haven't had the internet for a week or so, and come to find out, it was just a loose connection in the wall. I could have figured that out, but I assumed the worst.

My confession is that I have been so tired lately that I have been choosing not to get up in the mornings to do any study (for the past week or so) even when I feel the Holy Spirit prodding me. I know I need the sleep...He isn't prodding me to not get rest. He is prodding me to go to bed earlier. Hmmm, who would've thought?!? Summer time for us means later bedtime, but I was so used to them being in bed by 7:30 that I may want to keep that up just for our own sakes. I did get the Song of Solomon week done, but I totally didn't get out of it what you all did, and I know somewhat of why. I need to arise earlier than the kids, because while Elijah liked to sit in my lap to watch me do my study, and even sometimes pray with me, it distracted me and made me rush to get done, or not finish at all. I actually look forward to doing this whole study again when I am done. When I get up early and I am tired, I am actually falling asleep while I am praying and therefore, constantly starting over again and again...what do you all do, because I know that I am not the only one who stays up a bit late and is tired in the morning, and I am only getting up at 6am. I am truly wasted, unless I get to bed by 9:30 each night. That gives me not quite 2 hours with Tim, to catch up on bills, to blog, to email, and of course, to leave the house presentable for the next morning. (I write like I'm the only one who has to do these things...). What do you all do? Get up super early and shower to wake up??? I need to spend more than a half an hour in my lesson to even begin to get anything out of it, but I have to be able to stay awake. HELP!

Ok, I think the Wednesday night phone calls would be good. Being that I just tonight read about them, I don't think I will be able to make it last night!!! I also kinda want to redo the song of solomon week, but really want to stay on the same page as you all, so maybe I will do it later...I don't know.

Alright, I have 13 emails to catch up on, so I will get going. I hope you know that even though I am not consistent with this blog, I am dedicated to it and to you two!!! I am full of excuses and I am not afraid to use them...unfortunately. Argh!

Great week of study!

Good morning. Well, we didn't get a call in last night, but I am up and on my way to a great day. I finished the Song of Solomon study from last week. Boy, is it good! I've never looked at God's courtship of me in that manner. Makes me really aware of how much he loves me and how he sees me as truly beautiful. ...how much I hide from him, and how frantically he searches for me...not forcing me to come out and away with him, but encourages me to do so. ...how darkened I am with my sin, and yet how lovely he thinks I am. This one was truly an eye-opener for me. I started the morning with day 3 and finished up day 5. I will review all of them tonight.


I am fasting today, although quite honestly, I don't want to. But I am keeping that image of God searching for me "over the wall" as Solomon did for his maiden. God knows I don't want to, but I dedicated this day to him and so I know he will bless it. Believe me, I have enough to keep me busy.

I have a busy day cleaning the sand castle, and then I need to pack. Niki and I are going to Dallas for the weekend...just to have some time away. I'm packing my study, and every magazine that I haven't had time for. We are going to relax, eat and shop....all within moderation.


Swimming is coming along. I still don't want to breathe as I go across the pool, and sometimes I even get scared before beginning. But as I learned in today's lesson of the Song, I have to get out there and catch those foxes so they won't have a chance to ruin my vineyard. Keep on praying!

Love you both. Have a great day...all day.

Hey girls

I'm on last week too. I haven't got to Song of Solomon yet, Sam. So you are giving me something to, ahem, look forward too??

Yes, a conference call would be great. Let's do it! I didn't much with regard to food moderation last week because I was focused on the race. Now I need to refocus on being a woman of moderation!!

I have been hard at work painting my deck the last few days - in between caring for kids and in between rain. It is slow... another lesson in perserverence!!

Chats?

Hey guys...I realized that I do better with this whole bible study, especially the fasting, when we have our "girly chats" on Wednesday night. Is that a good time for a "conference call" with you guys? Every Wednesday? Awanas are now over and we should be home in time for a 9 o'clock call. The Wednesdays that Paul has basketball after church may be a little tough, but if the kids are still up, then they are still up. After all, it is summer! Let me know what you think. I just need constant accountability with this. And I seriously wonder why my children need constant instruction?....at least they don't know better (most of the time.) Aggg...when will I learn? :)

It is beautiful here...I enjoyed seeing the sun say good morning, before I say "good golly, it's hot!" We have been running in the high 90s. Thank God for sunscreen and swimming pools!

Love you!

S

Dear Erin

...by the way...GOOD FOR YOU! I was telling Paul of your success when I realized that you can run a mile faster than I can bike 1.5 miles. Hmmm...what does that tell me? I'm proud of you...my aching knees are proud of you and live vicariously through you! You go girl!

Confession Time!

Okay, I have to confess...I just started last week's lesson. I don't know what happened last week-I just got too busy and lost my focus. Don't need to wonder about it, that is just what happened...I flat out didn't do it! My weight this week concurs with that. And so I am plugging away yet again but on last week's lesson.

Okay, confession #2...I really didn't like how this lesson started off. I've always looked at Song of Solomon as a physical love between husband and wife....never saw it as imagery between me and the Lord. Actually, that vision kind of bothered me. Am I too naive or what? I felt as if imagining that was almost sac religious. (Is that how you spell it?) Anyway, it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Okay, confession #3...you can't be mad at God when you are on your knees the night before asking Him to wake you for your study, and He wakes you at 3:59! Yeah, anyway...early to rise lead me through a beautiful understanding of the lesson and wow! As you can tell by my confessions, I didn't/don't have that yearning for intimacy with the Lord. I pray now that I will acquire that longing. I've never read Song of Solomon like this before. I love vs 4...where she is longing for her king to whisk her away...as if saying..."you take the lead, and I will follow...I want to follow." God is wanting to take the lead with food for me. I just need to want to follow. I just need to be submissive to Him and let Him have his way with me...so to speak. (okay, now I am freaked out again. :) The want to follow is so different than the will to follow! Aggg! Let's try to get them on the same page!!! :) Love you girls and hope you have a great day...I am now going to see if I can squeeze 30 mins of zzzzz's in before everyone starts stirring!

Sam'

I Did It!

Hey. Finished the 10k in an hour. Felt good! My brother ran it in 45 minutes. He's fast - I'm steady! Now to find another goal to keep me motivated to exercise!

Love,
Erin

Running Tomorrow

Hi girls. I am running my 10k tomorrow. It is the one I passed out on three years ago. No FEAR. Pray that I can beat this thing. Only thing I want to do is finish!!

Hope you two are well. I'm a little behind on the Bible study. Hope to get back on track this week.

Later,
Erin

Mini Me's

Hey guys...glad you enjoyed the video, but I'm asking you to keep praying! I have realized that Giant has LOTS of Mini Me's lurking around. I had a hard day yesterday. Got back into the pool and it took me a while to work up the nerve to try it with just the kids in the pool. I did okay until I slipped while trying to stand up and freaked out a little bit. Thank goodness the kids didn't notice, but it really scared me, and so we got out. It later rained, so Paul is going to come home tonight and we will get back in then. I just need to keep throwing those stones! So, please keep the prayers up for me. I appreciate you guys! Love you and thanks for the encouragement!

Fasting today? It is 9:15 and my stomach is getting ready to rumble. Not good. :) This too is a giant I see....but he has a brownie for a head! :) Okay...got to go pick up a new student packet for Caleb for next year. Yes, this should have already been done, but what can I say?

Have a great day!!!

Jackson...Aunt Sam' and Caleb knows you are trying to learn to swim too! You can do this! Did you know that God created our body to swim...He did! I have to remind myself of that too. Just trust God and keep getting your face wet everyday! Then, one day, your mommy can send us video of you swimming! Won't that be fun?! We love you and miss you bunches! Caleb says hi!!!

Sam'

SLAY THAT GIANT!

Woo hoo, Samantha Graber!!

Sure wish I'd checked this blog sooner - WOW!!

You look so comfortable. Sam, if you can do this, you can do anything!

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

I wish you were here and I could hug you!

I can't wait to show the video to Jackson (who is just working on getting his face wet in the water). I think it will be great motivation to see his buddy Caleb do it. Tell Caleb congratulations too. And think, now Caleb has a GREAT childhood memory. He got to learn to swim at the same time as his mommy. Now, how awesome is that? What a life lesson for the kids. You made it that instead of a fear lesson. I can't believe it! I mean I can - I just wasn't expecting to see that when I opened up the blog today.

HOORAY - you just made my day!!

Love you!

Erin

Gotta See it to Believe it!

Memorial Day fun...wished you all where there. Thought you might enjoy seeing first hand.

"The stone was just the right size..."

Sam, I am so proud of you!!! I know Erin will be too when she hears. She is off camping for the weekend. God is proud of you. Paul is proud of you, and you can be proud too! That is huge!!! Have Paul record you on your camera and post it on the blog! You have to go in and do some rearranging, but you can totally post video and we would LOVE to see you swim!

It has been a long day. One in which I would like to have some chocolate to eat, but we have yet to do some massive grocery shopping yet, so that is a negative. I went to go heat up a couple of tortillas to put butter on them as a snack, and I am on a half day today, so I heard my voice say "No, not two" and I, through gritted teeth said, "Fine!" and only had one. I guess that was good, though not with the right attitude for sure! Boy, and I want my kids to have good attitudes. How's that not hypocritical!

I am tired and I want to sit next to my husband on the couch and do nothing except watch some dumb Segal movie. Ugh!

Keep up the courage, the good ears and the trusting spirit! Though God could have, He didn't create the world in one day, so don't think you can tackle it in a day. You did great, now, go do it again!

love, me

The Voice of Truth

"Daddy, watch me!"

Paul smiled proudly as he watched ME swim/float across the pool holding on to my little pool noodle. Now, I know, you may think that is something to laugh at, but for me, IT IS HUGE. I held the noodle out front in my hands, held my breath, and heard a voice say, "Do not fear." I pushed off and kicked myself across the pool. And yes, I honestly heard that voice... Every time I went to put my head under water, or to kick across, I heard that voice. Talking u890890899098989999900000hearing the op0o-0898 77 7 7444444400000000Holy Spirit. Michelle, this is just a conclusion follow up to the "little down" blog. I'm sitting here smiling, just as proud as if I had jumped off the diving board. Yes, I heard that "voice of Truth."

Just wanted to give you an update since you guys can't sit and watch we splish and splash as you can your children in swim lessons. Keep praying for me. Thanks friends! Have a great memorial holiday.

Sam'

Pulling my hair out!

Just how many times can you wipe up spilled juice off your mopped floor? I mean, really!? I am so sick up hearing that plastic cup hit the floor that I have threatened my children they will be eating without any drinks. 4 times within 3 hours. Bad mommy, but I'm tired. Today has been testy, and this is just the first day of our summer vacation. :)

Confirmation?

First of all, ...

Michelle, your blog surprised me. After I blogged the last time, I went and popped in our DVD of Facing the Giants. I thought I needed some encouragement in facing my personal giant, and I love that movie. Poor acting, but fabulous plot and great one-liners! Paul watched it with me and we discussed that song you dedicated to me. I told him I felt like this was my life's song. So many times I have voices calling out to me that aren't godly. Then, to see your blog...well, let's just say I felt God give me a hug then. What a confirmation for me. Thanks friend.

Caleb graduated last night, so our summer vacation officially started this morning. We played a lot this week and so now we are busy working so we can play more later. All 3 of them gave me a "AH" moment this morning. Although they were to be cleaning the toy room, I heard all of them talking. I peeped in to see them "dressed up" and "at church." Caleb, of course, was preaching...with his new Bible that was presented to him last night, and the girls were sitting their in their bean bag chairs, legs crossed, plastic high heeled shoes and their story bibles opened on their laps. I quietly went back to folding clothes in my bedroom and listened to Caleb tell the story of Daniel. They finished, prayed, and then I heard, "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop." Keaton comes in to tell me that she is just getting home from church. She lays her bible on my bed, opens it, and says, "Mom, do you know this is God's word?" "He's gots lots of words!" :) Then and there it hit me...I may tell them over and over again to clean their room, pick up their toys, etc., but at least they are remembering the words that mean the most...God's word and that God loves them. It blessed my heart. Now, we are still getting the rooms clean, but I couldn't interupt that church meeting. How blessed I am that I can stay home with them! Well, okay...now I just sent them to their beds for not obeying. :) Everything in moderation, right?

Love you guys!

Sam'

Listen...

Ok, I feel like Delilah or Casey Casem with a song dedication, but this one goes out to you Sam...we all know it.

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,

*****Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!
"and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.

Sam, Your giant, too, will fall!

Any "Ahh" moments for me??? Well, my biggest was day before yesterday when my new computer keypad arrived in the mail. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be sitting here able to type normally again. I don't know about any moments with the kids (I feel like I go, go, go all day long and have yet to look at the bigger picture of the kids and seldom sit and enjoy them). I was holding Micah after she had her bottle this afternoon and she was sitting in my lap with her back against me, and she leaned over to one side and turned her upper body so that she could look at me and then she smiled. I appreciated that. It made me feel special to her. Granted, this is a 9 1/2 month old that doesn't have anything better to do, but you guys know what I mean...this beautiful child had to work to get a look at me, and she did and then she smiled. As I sit and type this, I realize the simple lesson I can take from that and it is simply that God cares about me. He knew how I really could have used that tenderness at that moment while my house is not so quietly sitting behind me and all the messes that I have to deal with, but I took time to sit and hold Micah and was blessed by that precious smile.

Is that turning a molehill into a mountain or what?

I also had another moment, but this one took some convincing or something. I sat down to watch the rest of a House Hunters that I recorded yesterday, and I couldn't concentrate on watching it because I kept thinking that for some reason I shouldn't be doing that right now. I was trying to figure out what the deal was, because after all, it was House Hunters...nothing wrong with that show. I kept watching it and I kept having that feeling that I should be doing something else, though what that was supposed to be, I didn't know. I started thinking that if this truly is the Holy Spirit speaking to me, #1 why was it so quite, and #2 I had better listen because probably the reason it was so faint was because usually I ignore that "feeling" and go on. I didn't want it to be quiet forever, so I listened, shut of the TV and then finished up my Bible study from this morning. I was so tired that I kept falling asleep. I couldn't win for losing there, but the good moment was that I heard something, figured out what it was and listened...not without trying to convince myself that it surely couldn't be the Holy Spirit, but I listened nonetheless.

Now, I should be trying to get some work done at the house here so that YESTERDAY'S breakfast can get cleaned up before Tim gets home today. I am so hungry now. God wants me to listen. To listen not only to His voice, but also to my body...I believe that my hunger has never been so loud before, so I haven't noticed actual hunger in a while. That's good. Stay strong and know that God cares about us and whether or not we are abusing ourselves with what we cram into our mouths...we should care too.

A Little Down

Hey guys. Yesterday in the pool was great. I actually even floated face down for a while and pushed off, etc. Today, it was a different story. Satan attacked again, and before I knew it, I was almost frozen in the water. I was so frustrated that I cried. The kids were thinking I pulled something, and I didn't tell them any different. What was I to say, "No, Bailey...your mommy is a big freak!" Those were just some of the choice vocabulary. So after just playing around with the kids, I took advantage of Paul and got out, took a shower and am now enjoying some quiet time by myself. I had kids (3 extra) today, and so quiet time is good. I'm going to get refocused and get back in the pool tomorrow. I can't let Satan get this foothold. Please PLEASE pray for me....I know it should be something that is natural, but it isn't and I can't explain why. I've tried to explain what I can to Paul and he just has a dumb-founded look on his face. He told me..."Sam', you won't have any problem actually swimming...you know all of that. We just have to get you over the fear of water." You think? :) So please, I'm begging everyone that I know, who I KNOW prays and doesn't just say that they will, to lift me up. This is one of my giants...he has to go down. Thanks guys...I'll be in touch tomorrow.

Sam'

Oh, and...

Sam - good for you. You have to start somewhere. Don't worry about fast or slow you are biking. Just try to go a little faster or a little farther each time you go out. I am sooo proud of you. And I can just see you splashing around with the kids. You are really conquering this thing! I know you can do it.

You asked!

Hello! Thanks for the visions of the kids in church - too much!!

Well, today was a "just me and the kids day". Chris worked and went straight to softball. Now you both know how those can either be really good or reaallly long days. I thank God that today was such a blessing and I was able to really enjoy being a mom to three truly dear children.

Some ahhh moments from the day.

This morning Abby was curled up in a blanket on the little Elmo chair and I was on the floor beside her, leaning against the wall and under the blanket too (seriously, when is it going to warm up here?!?). Abby was reading from her Fun Tales book, "Nat sips pop. Nat has a nap. Nat is bad." Then she looked up at me with those big baby blues and said proudly, "I'm really getting good at this!" I love lightbulb moments like that!!

I took all three kids to the grocery store and it was actually an enjoyable experience! I am on a juice day and I was able to stick to my list even though it was supper time. As we exited the store I complimented the kids on their behavior and help. Analytical Jackson said, "What percent did I get?" (I'll never live down the one day coming out of a store I told them their behavior was 100% - now it is always a discussion!) I said, "95%. You did really well except for when you got a little crazy with Makenna in the frozen aisle."
Always the competitor, Jackson asked, "What percent did Abby get?"
I said, "Abby did great. She got 100%."
Jackson looked totally dejected. I couldn't bear it, so I said, "Oh, but I did forget about the 5 bonus points you got for helping me find the pickles and baked beans. So that means you get 100%."
As I loaded the van, Abby and Jackson started doing the happy dance. They both got 100%!! Then Jackson said, "What percent did Makenna get? I think 91% because she was pretty bad!"
So, you tell me, am I spoiling my kids with the extra credit bonus points? How thankful am I that my children will go big grocery shopping with me in a relatively peaceful, non-whiny, respectful and non-gimme-this-or-that way. Today they did anyway. And I am thankful to be their mom. Maybe that is how God feels about us. When we have a good day of quality fellowship and obedience toward him I am sure he is well pleased and he knows how much better that behavior is for us, his children.

Love ya girls.
My cup runneth over ...

E

Getting Started!

Hey again. I just got my hair cut and still had 25 mins until I had to get the girls so I went for a bike ride. A real bike ride...one where you are breathing heavy and not daddling around waiting for 3 kids on bikes! I rode for 1.5 miles against the wind and it took me 10 mins! Shouldn't it take a lot less than that, Erin? I was a little frustrated at the time, but hey, I did it. Now to do my 50 laps in the pool later today and maybe another bike ride with the kids later. Erin, did you smile at the end of your day yesterday? My "ahh" moment was when Caleb was asking me how to pronounce words as I was putting away a basket of laundry. I immediately felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit, put the basket down, and crawled up on his bed with him. The girls were napping so this was the perfect time for the two of us. He read to me and it was great! Ahhhh... and then he got to put his own clothes away, being the big boy he is.

Caleb has been swimming with just arm floaties for a while now. The girls have also been wearing a ring. Last night Paul and I took off the rings and let them just splash around in their floaties. They were so excited. Keaton was apprehensive at first, but then pushed me away and started screaming, "Mommy, I'm Sthwimming!!!" She was so excited she was shaking...literally! What a great feeling for the both of us.

As for me, I was the most comfortable that I have ever been in the pool last night. I am seeing baby steps and that is HUGE for me. We will be back in it today...not going to learn unless we are in it, right? Plus, it is another scorcher today. Love you guys. Do good and look for your "ah" moments...I want to hear about them.

God or Lord?

Good morning. Hope your day is off to a great start. Not much here...just wanted to encourage you guys to keep on going. I prayed specifically for you this morning. I know we are all learning things about ourselves that we don't particularly like, but that alone is inspiration to keep on going. It is obvious that God is revealing Himself as He reveals our depravity.

How are goals coming along? Michelle, did you get the bathroom painted? Erin? Well, eating wise, I did pretty good. I'm pleased with yesterday.I was even able to get out and exercise in the pool last night. (50 laps...running/walking of course, 10 in each direction then switch to go against the whirlpool) Okay, so it isn't a marathon of exercise, but it is a start. Half of my laundry is still here and so it will be tackled and finished today. I hope I don't find any lost children underneath any of it. :) I need to also get creative again...I have some individual paintings to do so I hope to get started on that today. Niki has the girls this morning, so that will give me some quiet time with hopes that I hear from God. I was just convicted this morning that I am like a little kid when it comes to my prayer life. I do try to commune with God throughout the day and try to me in a constant state of prayer...or at least state to pray. But when I am actually on my face before the Lord, I give Him my thanksgiving and request, and then jump up and run off to my list of to dos. Is that childlike, or what? I don't take time to listen to what God is telling me or may tell me. That is my confession. And sometimes I wonder why I can't hear God. hmmmm.... maybe it is because of my agenda and not His. Ouch! With that being said, let's pray together that we three make God the Lord of our lives. He is God, our Savoir, but is He really Lord? I need to allow Him to be Lord today...I need him to be MY Lord today.

Have a great day...all day!

Sam'

Priceless!

Good morning friends! Michelle, I hope you aren't upset...I was actually just trying to encourage you, and we all know we fight the comparison struggle. Anyway, I will awaken you with a funny...go figure.

Last night was our Children's Choir Concert and Awana awards. Let's just say if people within our large congregation didn't know the Grabers, they do now. Keaton and Bailey's class was up first, and since Keaton has this little yeast infection and feels the urge to go every 15 mins, I made sure she went twice before the program started. Their class was the smallest, our girls being 2 of the 6 kids. Of course, I dressed them alike, fixed their hair alike, and to be quite honest, they were pretty darn cute! Bailey is center stage and it becomes very obvious that she designated herself as the lead. Nothing shy about this one...standing tall and a little over animated, singing her heart out. Keaton bellowed out her notes as well, and with there being only 6 kids, 3 being boys, you could hear everyone's notes loud and clear. :) (Thank God they get their harmony from their daddy.) Well, as Bailey is nodding her head at her audience, Keaton gets an inch. Yeah, you know where I am going with this. PRAISE GOD I put a pair of shorts on them...nothing short of prompting from the Holy Spirit. Their dresses were adorable white cotton with pink and green flowers, so of course I had white, thin, spandex shorts underneath. Never noticed that these particular shorts were see-through until sitting in the middle of our congregation. Not only does Keaton scratch, she then realizes what she is doing and gets embarrassed and pulls the front hem of her dress up to her mouth. After gracious coaching from her instructor, she releases the hem, only to have the dress stay crumpled up and lifted...not falling back down below her shorts. I never thought of this while starching these 100% cotton dresses. Everyone is laughing so hard that you can no longer hear the beautiful little music! The prompting earlier forgot to tell me to change her underwear as well...her green panties...so now I am sure the Holy Spirit is getting a good chuckle himself as green panties are making their own debut through the shorts. Ummmm, yeah,...I can't color co-ordinate. They finished their songs, smiled pretty, and begin to exit the stage when the dress finally fell into place. Yeah, priceless!

Caleb sang later...has a bigger class, but was right there in front...in front of the microphone. He actually did quite well. Daddy had regained some dignity before Caleb started playing with the tail of his shirt...which doing infront of plaid shorts, looked like he was playing with himself. Camera captured it all, and even though we got great laughs out of it as well, we sat there being quite the proud parents. The night was truly priceless.

Hope you both have a great day. Today is beautiful and is to get close to 90! Got to get the casa cleaned so we can go swimming after we pick up Caleb from school. He graduates Thursday night. Oh, I feel a tear! :) Lots going on this week, and lots of crap going on with family. Pray for me in all of this...things have gotten uglier and attorneys are being notified. I don't want to go into it all because today is too beautiful to start out in a rut, so just pray for my family. I have to remind myself that if God calmed the seas, He can also calm this. Love you!

Sam'

I know, I know, I know

Ok, you can't go and start a blog out with "I wish I had some mature words of wisdom, but I don't" and then go on to write a dissertation on fairytale contentment, comparing and contrasting God's plan for us with Satan's plan to make all other things look better. Thanks. I know it was all true. You know we women...we sometimes tend to speak with our frustrated emotions first, as I clearly did, and so I do appreciate bringing me back to what I know is right, even though I don't feel it now. I know my satisfaction and my feeling of acceptance should be in and through Christ alone. You know, you want someone to enjoy their lives and people and family so much that you end up despising them because they won't, and then somewhat jealous when they enjoy other people and not you/your family. How odd is that?

Ok, I am going to have a good day today. I have a half day, and have already eaten my half a bowl of Kashi Crunch for breakfast. I intend to get my bathroom painted today. One simple goal...I hope I can do it!!! I am so tired of not being settled in here that I can spit, most days. I have Ruthie's personal shower to hold here in a few weeks and am not ready yet. Ugh! Ok, I gotta get. Any goals for today ladies?

Thanks again, Princess Samantha, wife of Prince Sleepy, mother to Grumpy, Scratchy and Whiny. Now, quit blogging and go write that book!!!

Fairytales?

Michelle, ...how I wished I had some "mature" words of wisdom for you, but fact of the matter is, I don't. I wished I could say that we were all satisfied and content with what we have, who we are, but I can't do that either. Why is that? I sometimes have to wonder if that is just the way God made us, or if that is where Satan came in at. As a child we begin... "I want that!" whatever that may be. We always want better toys, different clothes, more stuff, straight hair, curly hair, or just "some" hair. We want her thighs, her butt, and can't forget her boobs. We want their family, their future, their story. And all the while, we look over and don't even see our own. We don't see our own cars, clothes or homes...our beautifully straight-as-a-board hair, or our tight, curly sassy hair, or even how beautiful it was before or after chemo. We don't see that our legs got us up this morning, and that our butts aren't in wheelchairs, and that our boobs aren't diseased. We overlook our own family "dysfunctional jamboree" gatherings just to look at ones posing as if they don't have any. We aren't satisfied with being able to create our own story, our own legacies for our families because we are so intrigued with reading about Sleeping Beauty's story. When I find myself in that fairytale, I have to remind myself that while Sleeping Beauty was sleeping, God was busy forming my own story...one just as beautiful in His eyes. While she was sleeping, I was/am living! I'm creating, experiencing, molding, shaping, loving! Do you think Sleeping Beauty ever experienced that! She can't have it as good as what she think she does because she has never seen the ugly side. How thankful can we really be for the sunshine, if it never rained? You know, I used to think it was sin and Satan that crept in that made us feel so discontented...but maybe it WAS God...sometimes He creates that need within us so HE can be the only one who fills it! I don't know why some people have certain things, certain families, certain experiences and others don't, but I do know that all of the "junk" in my life creates me to point to who I am in Christ...it is part of my story. Michelle, ...your inlaws are part of yours. Yeehaw...I know, calm down, but they too make you YOU. I'm thankful for that, and you know what...I bet one day you will be a mother-in-law that girls will die to have!!! I know down deep you are happy for Ruthie...Praise God she is marrying into a good family. Just remember...the grass always looks greener on the other side due to more "fertilizer." Yep, there is crap too!!! We just may not see it.

Okay, sorry...just got finished watching "Enchanted" with the kids. It is the only thing that I can watch with Dr. McDreamy in it that I don't fall into sin. :) Yeah, you know what I mean. Anyway, chin up my friends. Let Sleeping Beauty pretend her life away...I'm going to be busy living mine!!! :)

As for the study...I will be ready to begin week 4 tomorrow. Good stuff! Go hug your husbands, and your kids. Tell them all we said hello.

Love you!

Princess Samantha, Prince Sleepy, Grumpy, Scratchy & Whiney

Be content with all you have

Well, here it is, Sunday, and feeling nothing special except that I wanted to blog a bit to stay up to date. The past couple of days, I haven't been able to get online for some reason...

I went to Fort Wayne where Ruthie's fiance is from for a shower that his family threw for them. I really like Dave's family but am jealous that she is going to have a great in-law family and that she may just jump right in and be a real sister/daughter to Dave's sisters and mom. As I was thinking all that today in church (why I was thinking that in church instead of meditating on the Word and what Pastor Jim was bringing to us, I don't know, but I was) I got the clear message, from the Holy Spirit I assume, and it was that I am to be content with the in-law family that I have. I know that, but seriously, I want a fun, family oriented in-law family that can communicate normally and that we really enjoy being around one another, and have fun together. How am I to be glad that I have the inlaws that I have and not wish I had other ones??? Clearly I am glad for them for because of Tim, but...oh forget it, her life is just going to be so easy, that's all. If she weren't so focused on herself all the time, it would be so much easier to be happy for her. And I am trying to be happy for her...really. I just really hope that he is the right guy for her and that in the end, I just end up learning something about myself as opposed to learning that my gut feelings were right...and maturing (for him and me) will help that.

Ok, well, so much for blogging about the study. I am juicing today, although it has been more like fasting with one meal so far. I gotta hit the liquids. Now, I am off to help Elijah build his lego thingy.

TGIF!

Yeah, it's Friday!!! Daddy comes home tonight!!! I've missed the lovable, anal geek. :) Hope your days were good. I met with my internist again and I'm officially off my blood pressure medication. WOOWOO! Yeah for me. I have also lost 3 lbs. Another yeah,...I was praying that I wouldn't have gained. Are you guys keeping up with the weight loss chart in the back of the book? Mine is finally pointing down. Don't have much today just because I slept late and didn't do my study first thing this morning. Actually, yesterday's lesson was so good I'm still chewing on it, but will do my Friday's study today. Have a great weekend! Got to go get ready for Paul to come home. Talk to you soon.

Love,

Sam'

TRUTH to quote to Satan

Romans 6:15-16
"So since God's grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master? You can choose sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God and receive his approval."

Or, "No, Satan, you are not my master! I will choose to obey God!"

Thanks for some excellent blogs, both of you. What an encouragement you are to me.

More later, I hope...
E