Well, I will have to be honest and say that though the sweets aren't a problem for me (even on this trip the only sweets I had was this creme bruele french toast for breakfast...boy was that good!) I have got to do that whole portion control thing too! I wish I could find all my weight watchers stuff. I did that just before Tim and I got married. It was nice, especially once I memorized all the point values. Well, maybe you could post some stuff or copy it or something. I'd love to get on something like that. I have a wedding to be in and even though I am exercising and drinking my water, nothing is changing so far. I have to order this dress and after seeing myself in pictures from the Dells, I do not want to order a dress to fit me now...and I can't guess what I will be. Oh for pete's sake.
Speaking of letting God down...I know we all do, but I am starting to see the effects of not communing with Him. Not that what I do will ever make Him happy, but I am starting (out of the clear blue) to feel sad (instead of guilty) about not spending time with God. Not growing. Not teaching well. Not being capable of it. Feeling like life is pointless if all I am going to do is exist day in and day out with the same mundane tasks that I barely perform. This is a week where I seriously question my salvation...where I wonder if my motives all along have just been selfish...if they have been self-seeking...if I just do things for appearances sake. I like the attention of people when they think I can do it all, though I know I can't. Do you guys go through stages like this? I do. And the funny thing is that I don't want to be so arrogant and prideful that I wouldn't even consider the fact that I could not be saved...am I making sense? That's hard to do through writing...maybe you all know what I mean. This all started last night when out of the blue I start thinking about ETERNITY and existing outside the confines of time and how I can't fathom that and it always gives me that tight, hot feeling in my chest...anxiety or fear??? So that got me thinking why I am always so fearful of that and 2 reasons came to my head. Is it God trying to get me to realize the meaning of eternal so that I kick my relationship with Linda into a higher gear, or is He trying to tell me that I have been faking it all my "Christian" life and I need to admit I need to be saved so that I spend eternity with Him?!? Did you expect anything this heavy? I didn't expect to go through this. Why after all this time am I thinking this way and constantly, at that? Any personal insights ladies? Experiences? Ok, I did get the strong feeling that I need to know the Bible better...know the stories, the people, the places, the timeline. I assume that is the Holy Spirit talking to me. That makes me feel better. I cannot keep gliding through life like I have been, wanting to do my own things all the time.
I just used our food blog to air out my laundry. I trust you two. I fully expect honesty in any replies, nothing to make me feel good if it isn't truth...you know?!?
It's bed time. I need to get sleep so I can get up early, even though I know I am not going to want to! Please pray for me in many areas of life right now. I am lazy and self-centered and arrogant and such a Pharisee at times...I hate it! Such the life with sin, right?
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