Erin,...this is just for you. :)

Okay, I wasn't going to tell anyone about the day I had last week, but after reading about your day...I think you need a little humor, so here it goes. Know that I love you my friend, at my expense. :P

Last week (I now don't even remember what day it was) I didn't get up early to do the bible study because, 1) I didn't get to bed until late, 2) I wasn't feeling well with my cold, 3) I was anxious about my house being dirty and expecting my in-laws in any time, and 4) I am just lazy.

ANYWAY, Molly Shannon was playing the role of me that day. I am "loudly encouraging" Caleb to hurry and get dressed, eat, brush teeth, etc. I don't even think I combed his hair that day. (and you both know what all of those cow-licks do for my child's head) All to remember too late that today was class pictures!!! We are 10 mins late leaving, school has already started and the girls are arguing over which booster chair they will be sitting in! I hurriedly turn the key to hear nothing but, "click, click, click." Dead! One neighbor is gone to take the kids to school and won't be home for another hour and the other neighbor is working nights and not home yet! Paul is already at work so I call Niki who is also running late for her treatment. She comes and jumps me off and all I am thinking is that if I hooked this up wrong, it could blow my kids to pieces. yes, I'm a freak...I know. I called the school to hear them say, "well, we will try to reschedule Caleb's whole class to do their class photo last!" Oops, sorry. So, we are off and running, and then this "ding" rings which reminds me that I was too lazy to get gas the night before, and thought that the 17 miles I had left on my tank would be more than enough to get me to an Exxon Station. Well, for some reason...my tank is now saying I have 0 (zero) miles to go. So I pull into the nearest station (where I can't use my exxon card) and notice I only have $3.00 on me. Okay, that was going to have to do! All the time, my kids are screaming, "We're hungry!!!" because the girls didn't eat before leaving, mainly because I didn't make them breakfast! :( Bad mommy! So, I finally make it to Silsbee...12 miles away looking like a cool mom (no makeup and let's just say nicely, HELL) in a mini van that is almost out of gas again. Long story short, I am on my way home and a twinge hits my stomach. Oh, yeah...one of THOSE twinges! Those were the longest 12 miles of my life! I pull in our drive-way on two wheels...tilting the tank to help get me there, and park outside the garage since Ididn't have time to sit there and wait to pull in. I screamed, "every man for himself" and left my girls to fend for themselves, as I run and almost knock myself out as I hit my head on the garage door still going up. I hit the back door with my shorts already unbuttoned and unzipped! I whip around my bedroom corner kind of running, skipping, the kind of movements that accompanies the sound, "ooh, ooh, ooh!" only to hit my foot on the door, and I fell into the adjacent wall ...so hard that I dropped my keys! I slipped on my bathroom rug in front of my tub and fell yet again, only to hit the toilet, grabbing onto the bowl! I was bouncing around so much you would have thought that I was having seizures or something! Yes, I got there just in the nick of time, but had to check the back of my shorts to make sure! (This is so embarrassing...I still can't believe I'm confessing this) I am so sick by this time that I have stripped down to my bra only to use my shirt to wipe the cold sweat from my upper lip. All the while I hear, "ding-dong!" I just shook my head and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE!" I was resolved to just sit and finish my business meeting (that is for you Michelle) and then I suddenly remembered that I had left the front door unlocked earlier and didn't even know if my kids were in the house yet. So of course, I do damage control just so I can make sure my kids (if in the house) weren't opening our front door to some weirdo. Come to find out, it was my nephew here to put up the pool...unannounced ...with all of the sand...that needed to be swept 3 different times out of my house before Jan and Nelson showed up! After locating the children and getting Davy started in the backyard, I went back to the bathroom, but this time to just sit and cry. I actually screamed, "Okay God, what are you trying to tell me!" Bailey interrupts, only to inform me that she smells something stinky, and Keaton comes in to tell me that she loves me...but only when I wear make-up!!!!

Davy comes back in screaming, "Aunt Sam', your doors on the van are opened." Must have happened when I dropped the keys. Pretty hard hit!

What a day! A day of frustration! A day of true laughter (now).

So there it is...I'm waiting for Saturday Night Live to contact me for the details. Erin, I hope it was worth a laugh for you. See, your day could have been worse! I love you friends!

Molly